There Once was a Boy Named Owen Part Five

[Cast of Characters relevant to this part of Owen's story: Satan (Owen's caseworker), The Bitch (supervisor of licensing and placement division at CPS), Wimpy (our licensing worker), The Pawn (Satan's new supervisor), Betty (Owen's useless GAL)]

Read the rest of Owen's Story Here: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four

After Satan kept Owen out for more than 6 hours without any of his medical equipment, I knew that she was seriously unbalanced. I filed complaints with the state office, wrote letters to the head of the agency and the head of the GAL program, wrote letters to the judge assigned to the case, letters to the attorney for the state...anybody that I thought could possibly intervene before this moron killed a child. But we all know that the wheels of justice move slowly and when those wheels involve the CPS system, they practically grind to a halt. On the advice of our attorney I began recording all conversations with a digital recorder and sending the recorder straight to the attorney's office to be transcribed. I also sent him every email and voice message that came from anyone involved in the case. Also on the advice of our attorney, we filed a petition to adopt Owen in family court. Essentially we were asking the family court system to overrule CPS and not allow them to remove Owen. Not something that happens often in the world of CPS and something that is rarely successful. Our attorney felt we had enough evidence to support the filing and that we could make a case that Owen would be best served in our home.

Things were quiet for about two weeks. Then I got a call. Wimpy wanted to set up an appointment to go over some paperwork for our upcoming adoption. I was immediately on guard, not knowing what was really going on. Big Daddy took the day off of work to be home and our attorney also made plans to attend this meeting, just in case. I even went so far as to have my mom take the kids for the day so that Owen was not there when Wimpy came. I just didn't trust her or her motives.

She showed up half an hour late, as usual, and was all sugar and sweetness seeing as how she was by herself. Apparently she only wears her big girl panties when other people are around to back her up. Big Daddy rolled his eyes so hard that I'm surprised they didn't come right out of his head! Wimpy started going over the paperwork with us and it took more than a minute for the name on the adoption paperwork to sink in. Owen. The adoption paperwork was for Owen. Our Owen.

The relative didn't work out, is what Wimpy said. More likely, the relative couldn't pass a homestudy and got shot down by the state. There were no other relatives that could pass a homestudy and no other foster homes that were willing to take on Owen and his high medical needs. Our attorney noted that we had been deemed better than an institution, how nice for us. Ah, sarcasm. This is why he's our attorney. He went over those papers with a fine tooth comb, making notations and asking for things to be clarified. Wimpy stressed that if we decided to pursue the adoption of Owen we would not be receiving a state adoption assistance package. I assume that chess move was designed to see if we were just adopting him for the increased assistance that a special needs child would receive from the state. We signed away our rights to an adoption assistance package without a second thought.

We signed the adoption papers, our attorney called his notary who was kind enough to come out to our home to witness. It was done. In less than 60 days, Owen would be our son and CPS would be out of his life forever. So why did I feel so uneasy in the days afterwards? Things were nagging at me, things that I couldn't reconcile in my mind. I wanted to dismiss that little voice, to believe that we were less than 2 months away from making Owen our son forever. But that stupid voice wouldn't shut up.

Why were we not presented at an adoption committee for Owen as we had been for The Pre-Teen and Boy2? Why did Wimpy come out to our house for us to sign papers, not knowing that we were going to have our attorney and a notary here? Why were adoption papers drawn up before we even knew we had been chosen to adopt Owen? Where was Satan and why did she not come with Wimpy?

Too many Why's and not enough answers but we didn't want to rock the boat. We just wanted it over with. As the weeks passed, we began to really believe that Owen was going to be our son and that the drama was behind us. We began to relax. We should have known better.

10 days before our adoption was set to be finalized, our attorney called us with some rather disturbing news. He had tried to get Owen's adoption hearing on the docket of the same judge that finalized The Pre-Teen's adoption but nobody at the courthouse could find the paperwork for Owen's adoption. His adoption hearing had not been scheduled by CPS.

Why?

Snarky Mom's Blogging Pet Peeves

I've gotten several comments about various things on my blog that seem to annoy people. First, the word verification. I realize it's a pain in the ass, I hate it too. However, in the past week alone I have rejected 32 spam comments. Most of them written in a language that uses all symbols. Second, music. I'm not sure why my music is annoying anyone, seeing as how I have it set so it does not autoplay when you click on my blog. Is it the mere appearance of a playlist that is annoying? Do some of you have a deep hatred of music? Please get help. Third, the fact that I use generic nicknames for my children. I get that one, I do. However, due to the nature of this blog I have to be careful. I'm open to suggestions on the nickname thing though. Should I keep it the way it is now (The Pre-Teen, Boy2, The Girl and The Toddler), choose more personalized nicknames that fit their personalities, or choose pseudonym first names? Give me your opinion.

I have a few pet peeves of my own that sometimes keep me from going back to what looked like a pretty good blog. In no particular order:

#1- No archives. I like to read a blog from the very beginning so I get to know the person writing. I'm weird like that. Coincidentally, this hangup is also the reason why it takes me so long to add new blogs to my blogroll. When there is no archive button and I am forced to scroll back through every. single. post to find the beginning of the blog, I usually just hit the back button.

#2- Slow loading blogs. I have a fairly new computer, if it takes my computer more than a full minute to load your blog then I'm out of there. I got a comment awhile back that my blog was slow to load. I cleaned up the sidebars by adding the buttons, took out a lot of widgets, changed the amount of posts on the first page and deleted some old pictures. I haven't had any complaints since then so hopefully that fixed the issue.

#3- Hard to Read. Black backgrounds, light colored type and small fonts. All 3 give me a headache.

#4- Lazy Linkers. I think it's just bad blog etiquette to link up to a blog party and then not bother to visit any of the other participants. I don't have time to comment on all the blogs that link up but I make sure to at least leave a comment on the 5 blogs who are linked before me.

#5- Follower Fishing. I hate it when people use a giveaway to make people become a follower on their blog. It's sneaky. Now I'm not talking about the people who state "become a follower for an extra entry." That's different, that makes it optional. You still get an entry even if you don't become a follower. It's the ones who make you become a follower to get any entry that annoy me.

#6- Follower Guilting. You may have seen the whining on other blogs. "I follow so-and-so but she won't follow me back. I'm unfollowing her right now." Well let me just add my two cents. I don't follow any blogs with that blogger follower thingy. I follow all my blogs in my Google Reader. If you follow my blog, thank you and please know that I am not shunning you. Chances are, I'm reading you in my Google Reader. I do not have that little follower box showing the world how many people you have following your blog. It feels way too much like a high school clique with the potential for some mad drama. I had enough high school whilst in high school, thankyouverymuch.

#7- Ads that make my internet shut down. What the hell is up with that shit anyway? There are some blogs that have ads that close out my internet every single damn time I click over there. So I don't visit those blogs anymore.

#8- Blogs without RSS Feed subscription ability. As I mentioned, I read blogs in my Google Reader. In order to do so, the blog must have RSS Feed subscription ability. I can't tell you the amount of times that I have gone to add a blog to my feed reader and it won't work. Very. Annoying.

#9- Catfighting. We are not in high school. There is no need for name calling and posse forming. Suck it up and move on. I will drop a blog like a bad habit if I'm continually wading through stupid and pointless drama!

#10- Anonymous Hater comments. Personally I believe if you are going to say it then you also need to own it. Leaving an anonymous comment is a waste of time, in my opinion. It does not matter to me if what you say in your comment has relevance or makes a good point. The fact that you left it anonymously completely negates any credibility you may have had if you'd just owned your comment.

#11- All Negative, All the Time. I know people go through seasons of life where they may be down and it's usually reflected in their writing. It's happened to me, multiple times in fact. However, one way to get deleted from my Google Reader for good is to only write whining, poor me, my life sucks posts endlessly. I don't mind rants, I'm rather good at those myself. I'm talking about the blogs that seriously just suck the soul right out of you when you read. Every post is about how their life sucks, how nothing good ever happens to them, how they wish they were never born....blah blah blah. If I want to overwhelmed with that type of negativity, I'll go to group therapy. With my Mother Out-Law.

#12- All Positive, All the Time. I know, I'm so picky right? I also hate reading the blogs where every single thing seems to be sunshine and roses. Nothing ever goes wrong in those bloggers lives, everything is perfect. They have the perfect marriage, nary a fight. They have perfect, honor roll children who never talk back or fight. They have the perfect house, decorated to perfection and bigger than yours, of course. Who wants to read endlessly about someone else's perfect life? Blah.

#13- Every other post is sponsored by someone or something. I don't mind reading a sponsored post every once in awhile but every.other.post is pushing the limits of my tolerance. I've noticed a lot of bloggers that I used to read because I appreciated their writing style and their content have all of a sudden become sponsor heavy. Everything I loved about their blog is gone so I've stopped reading them. And don't even get me started on the sponsored giveaways. Once in awhile, cool. I love a good giveaway. 4 times per week....delete. Gah!

#14- Short Blog Feeds. I read everything in Google Reader. I hate, I loathe, I despise when all of a sudden one day I go to read a new post by a beloved blogger and now I have to actually go to her blog to read more than the first 3 lines because they've changed their settings to only show short feeds. What the hell? Half the time the stupid ads cause my internet to close and it takes me 3 tries to actually read the post in question when I go to the blog in question. It annoys me. I understand that some people choose to make money off the number of visits to their blog. I understand that choosing the short feed setting ensures that they make more money per day by forcing people to go to their blog. That doesn't mean I have to like it. I have stopped reading many blogs because I got tired of waiting for their insanely slow page to load after they changed to short blog feeds.

#15- The Know-It-All Blogger. You know the ones. They know everything about everything and by George, you better never question anything they say or you'll be blocked so fast your colon will need to be cleansed. Can't tolerate it. Must leave before I start a riot. Especially the few that I've seen who portray social workers and foster parents and foster children as evil and hateful. They are just so sure that they are correct and half the time they have no personal experience with either social workers or foster parents or foster children. They're just blowing smoke out their ass because they saw someone else on some other blog doing it. Gah! Grow up.

This concludes today's edition of Snarky Mom's Blogging Pet Peeves.

Just slap my ass and call me intolerant.

Go ahead, I can take it and I might even like it. *wink*

Org Junkie's 28 day organizing challenge

Have you ever been to Organizing Junkie's blog? You should go. Now. I'll wait.....

She's hosting a 28 day February organizing challenge. I need this challenge. No really, I need this challenge to get me off my ass and get this house purged and organized. I have a list of areas in our house that I'm determined to purge, reorganize and redecorate. It will happen. I cannot live in clutter, it eats at me until I start to consider burning down the house and just starting over.

Number one on the agenda is The Playroom. *shudder* I posted about our playroom transformation back in June. I shared a photo of what the playroom usually looks like by the end of the day. I had to visit my inner well of great courage in order to share that picture. That is the first thing that people see when they come into my house. How mortifying.

Oh the shame. When I first redid the playroom I didn't take into account the fact that my children will not actually clean up after themselves. Sure, I had all the pretty shelves and bins and everything had a home....but nothing ever made back into it's home. I would spend hours at the end of the day sorting and putting everything back into it's rightful home.

My mission for February is to purge all the toys that are broken, outgrown, missing pieces or just plain annoy me with the loud incessant noise. Once I get all those toys out of there, I can rethink the organization and decor.

That's project number one.

Project number two includes creating a master command center in our house that will collect all the miscellaneous papers that seem to multiply on my kitchen counters on a daily basis. I need an area to keep my calendar, my mail, my office supplies....a catch all that's organized and fits in with our home since I have nowhere to hide it behind a closed door. I've been collecting ideas for a few months and I'm ready to put my plan in motion.

I have many other areas to reorganize and redecorate this year but I think those two will keep me busy for February. I just might start my own monthly redecorating series to update my progress and keep myself motivated.

Anyone want to join me? *wink*

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday on Thursday

"Someone" in our house is having a love affair with Elmo.....

Letters To The Children

Dear Toddler,

There is a reason that we call you The Bed Bug. It is not necessarily a term of endearment. I understand that you think you are missing something by going to sleep but let me assure you that the rest of us are sleeping too. Waking up screaming in the middle of the night and refusing to go back to sleep in your own bed is considered to be very bad manners. Let me be blunt. You are a bed hog, a pillow hog and a blanket hog. I am tired. I haven't had a good nights sleep since you were still in the womb. You are now 2 years old. I am thiiiiiis close to breaking out the Children's NyQuil. You have been warned, son.

Sincerely,
Your Sleep Deprived Mother

Dear Girl,

I appreciate the fact that you are artistic and you love to draw. I love the pictures that you draw for everyone, they are beautiful. However, as I have repeatedly told you, your mother does not possess the same love of art nor the desire to draw for hours every day. If you ask me to draw one more elaborate picture of birthday parties, horses, sponge.bob's pineapple house, max.and.ruby....well it's quite possible that I will jab that pencil into my eye socket.

Sincerely,
Your Unartistic Mother

Dear Pre-Teen,

I'm not sure what you hear when I speak. Is it something like Charlie Brown used to hear when any adult spoke? When I tell you to be home at 5 o'clock and you come rolling up in this house at 6:30 o'clock, very bad things will happen. I'm still not sure why you looked so surprised when you found out exactly what "grounded for a week" means. If groundings were fun, everyone would want one. Next time I tell you to be home at 5 o'clock, you'd better be here or I'll come get you in my bathrobe and slippers with my hair in curlers and no make up on. Don't test me boy, I'll do it.

Sincerely,
Your Very Annoyed Mother

Beware of the Toddler

This child is going to be the death of me. I just know it.

Yesterday in 9 hours he:

*Emptied the clean laundry out of the basket and into the toilet

*Broke the slide off the indoor playground

*Emptied his milk cup and his cheez-its into the play sink in the play kitchen and made "soup"

*Bathed the dog with toilet water

*Unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper up and down the stairs

*Painted the windows with juice and a paintbrush

*Removed all 500 wipes from the container- one by one

*Ripped to shreds a small flower arrangement in The Girl's room

*Dismantled 3 Child proof locks to pull out all the tupperware, dog food and pots and pans. I cannot even figure out these damn child proof locks.

And lest you think I'm a lazy parent who does not supervise her children at all, he managed to do each of these things in 3 minutes or less. 3 minutes or less each time people. I have to pee sometime. The laundry won't fold itself.

He has been banished to his bedroom with the gate closed whenever I cannot be an arm's length away from him. I just can't take anymore destruction today.

I think I'm shell shocked.

How did you spend your weekend?

This is the first real snowstorm we have had this year and the kids were super excited. The Pre-Teen was out the door and gone with his friends before the snow had stopped falling. The Girl and The Toddler pestered poor Big Daddy until he agreed to take them outside for a little while. I had to go along to get some pictures, of course.

The Toddler wasn't so sure at first. He kind of looks like that kid from A Christmas Story in this picture. He had so many layers on that his arms were stuck out from his sides. He did not like this. At all.

The Girl apparently has a great future as a softball player. She has great aim. Big Daddy got hit in the back and the face multiple times by snowballs. One day he will learn to duck. Until then, I will laugh.

Even The Toddler tried to throw snowballs. He didn't have much luck so he decided to eat the snow off his mittens instead. I'm pretty sure none of it was yellow. I hope.

The Girl celebrated every direct hit on Big Daddy with a dance. She danced a lot. Note that I did not say she danced well.

The Toddler makin' some snow pies. He really got into those snow pies. I think he thought they were real pies.

The victory dance. This was just after Big Daddy declared her the winner and stomped off grumbling about the amount of snow inside his shirt.

I just want to smush that little face. This was really his first year having fun in the snow. It only snows once per year 'round these parts so he was only a year old the last time he played in the snow. And last time he was less than impressed. This year we had to drag him inside kicking and screaming.

I just love these little froggie boots. I especially love it when The Toddler ribbits everytime he jumps while wearing them.

That's how we spent our weekend. We also fought with the heater again this year. We woke up on Saturday morning with no heat. Again. But we were smart enough to learn from last year's experience and poured our own hot water over the stupid little vent hole, therefore costing us nothing.

We made snowmen, we had hot chocolate, we made snow cream, we watched movies. We had fun. Then our district made the announcement that had all the mother's in the city screaming and heading for the liquor cabinet. No school on Monday.

What happened to the good ole days when kids would walk 3 miles to school in the snow? Uphill? With no shoes?

What happened to those days?

Kelly's Korner Show Us Your Life: Fashion Tips

It's time to share those fashion tips over at Kelly's Korner. Not sure I really qualify to share any fashion tips since I'm still sitting here in my jammies. Ha!

I only have a few fashion tips that I keep in mind when getting dressed to actually leave the house. I share them with you now.

Snarky Mom's Top Ten Fashion Tips

Tip #1- Choose clothes for the body you have, not the body you wish you had. There is nothing cute about a muffin top. Especially when it's visible to everyone thanks to the belly shirt not covering the ole belly. If you are a size 10, please for love of Mylanta, buy a size 10. Do not try and squeeze yourself into a size 6. My eyes appreciate your willingness to take this tip to heart.

Tip #2- Accessorize with subtlety. A nice scarf. A cute pair of earrings. A fabulous purse. A chunky necklace. All these are great ways to make a cute outfit even better. But be careful how many accessories you add to one outfit. You don't want to look like you just sauntered in off the strip in Vegas after a weekend bender.

Tip #3- Make sure your clothing is age appropriate. I know you feel like a teenager, you just don't need to look like one. You're not fooling anyone, trust me.

Tip #4- Dress for the decade you live in. Please. I beg you to throw away the Go-Go boots, the high waisted straight legged jeans, anything with a bow on the butt. There is a reason that these things went out of style....anything your wore in the 80's should proceed directly to the nearest Goodwill. Right now. I'll wait.....

Tip #5- Undergarments are not optional. I don't care what the hussy down the street does, you do not leave the house without proper underwear. That includes a bra. A tank top is not an acceptable substitute for a bra. If your top has skinny straps, buy a strapless bra. To expand on this point a little further- your bra should be a lighter color than your shirt. Always.

Tip #6- Spandex is not for everyone and it should never be worn outside the house. I don't think there needs to be any further explanation of this tip.

Tip #7- Exercise clothing is for exercising. Nothing shows off your flaws more than some tight ass yoga pants. More importantly, the longer you wear them the more they get saggy in the butt. I'm pretty sure that's not the statement that you want your butt to be making.

Tip #8- Before you leave the house, make sure your clothing can pass the rigorous sit, squat, bend over test. Sit down to make sure the button doesn't fly across the room and put someone's eye out. Squat to make sure you don't split your pants and leave your ass crack hanging out. Bend over to make sure the sweater puppies stay contained.

Tip #9- Matching and Complimenting are not the same thing. Please learn the difference. Your top and pants should not sport the same pattern. They should also not be the exact same color lest you start to resemble a monochromatic disaster.

Tip #10- Always do one last full body mirror check before leaving. You'd like to know that your left boobie is hanging out or your skirt is tucked in your panties before you hit the mall. They have camera phones now, you know?

Do you want to see yourself on YouTube?

Book List 2010- January Update

My 5 star rating system:

1/5= Didn't even finish the book.

2/5= Finished it....barely. Wouldn't buy it again.

3/5= Good book but not a keeper. Put it in the yard sale pile.

4/5= Great book that earned a spot on my permanent bookshelf. Will read again.

5/5= Could not put it down. Not sure what my kids did or ate while I finished it.

January:

Sizzle by Julie Garwood- 4/5

Early Dawn by Catherine Anderson- 4/5

Comanche Moon by Catherine Anderson 3/5

Firestorm by Iris Johansen 3/5

What I Did for Love by Susan Elizabeth Phillips 1/5

February:

First Drop of Crimson by Jeaniene Frost

Fantasy in Death by J.D. Robb

Violence UnSilenced

Have you seen the badges on other blogs? Have you been curious but not clicked over to see what it is all about? I encourage you to visit. Violence UnSilenced is a weblog started by Maggie at Okay. Fine. Dammit. to give survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence a safe place to share their story. It is a powerful place. Powerful.

I spent many hours this past week reading through some of the stories that were shared. Powerful is such an understatement for the emotions that ran through me at some of the stories. Shocked, horrified, uncomfortable, devastated....all understatements.

Please, go read these stories. Leave positive comments for the authors. Let them know that they are not alone, that we hear their stories. Take the pledge.

This is a cause that is close to my heart. Maybe one day I will have the courage to share my story too.

Can Dogs have PTSD?

I think poor Bailey is need of some serious intervention in the form of a doggie psychologist. Anyone know Cesar Milan personally?

He walks around here like a Vietnam vet wearing a helmet who ducks everytime he hears a car backfire. Not joking. You should see him. I guess it makes sense though. In the past week I've seen The Girl dress him up in baby doll clothes and push him around in her doll stroller, The Baby use him as a pillow, a napkin, a stepstool and a baby wipe. Yeah, I don't want to talk about that and neither does Bailey. I've seen The Pre-Teen play faux catch with the poor dog, who continued to run across the room every.single.time waiting for The Pre-Teen to throw a ball that he didn't even have.

This week I also saw him drinking the blue water in the toilet. That can't be good for him. He's a great dog, he's great with the kids. I'd have bitten the shit out of them if they'd tried half the stuff on me that they pull on him every day. He does have his quirks- his intense love of stuffed animals, his overwhelming urge to eat crayons, his obsessive need to destroy every bed we put in his crate. Not to mention his complete domination of the little space heater we keep in the family room. He is a heater hog. And he does not share well with others. I've watched him bowl over small children to claim his spot in front of the heater.

But just today, I've noticed the twitching. He has a facial tic. And he looks so confused. I can only assume that The Children have caused this bizarre behavior. He wasn't schizophrenic when we got him.

Do they make doggie valium?

But more importantly, is it safe for humans too?

Multiple Personalities

Lately The Girl has been calling herself Sofia. At first I thought she was talking about a pretend playmate. Then it became clear that Sofia lived inside her own mind. Okaaaaaay.

Then today it became known that Sofia is a puppy. And judging by the pitch of the pretend barks that Sofia lets loose with, I'm assuming she's a Pomeranian or a Maltese. The Girl won't answer to her name anymore, she only responds to Sofia and she only responds by barking.

Big Daddy is utterly confused at this sudden morph into a puppy. He looks bewildered when she crawls on the floor, tries to drink from the dog's bowl or attempts to cram her 5 year old body into Bailey's cage.....with him still in it. This weekend he suggested that we might want to get her tested. I didn't have the heart to tell him that his mother told me he spent half a year pretending to be a monkey named Ralph when he was 6.

Obviously he's repressed the memory.

Show Us Your Life: Favorite Shopping Spots

It's talk about shopping day over at Kelly's Korner. Ooh, I can talk shopping. I might only know a little bit about a lot of things but shopping is one thing that I know. I am a shopper. That's right, a shopper. Always have been and I suspect I always will be. I am fortunate enough to live less than 10 minutes away from one of the largest indoor outlet malls in the whole South. I have access to Gap outlet, Banana Republic outlet, Gymboree outlet, The Childrens Place outlet, Carters outlet....and so many many more. I get giddy just talking about it. *squeal*

So where do I like to shop? I have some tried and true favorite places for both myself and the kids. I used to spend way too much money on my kids clothes and I used to only buy boutique brands. About a year ago I decided that I would rather spend less and not worry about them making a mess. They're kids, they make messes.

This year I made a conscious effort to find cute clothes for cheaper, to not stress out when my kids got messy and to not be concerned with the resale value of the clothing. I chose items that did not have to be handwashed, or hung to dry, or removed while eating. I feel so free.

Favorite Spots to buy for ME:

Kohl's- I find most of my clothing at Kohl's. This season I found some great sweater tunics with matching scarves. $17.99 each. I bought 3. I love the selections, I love that some of the stuff in the Juniors section is workable for a 30-something mom of 4 kids. Icing on the cake, my friends.

Old Navy- I find some great basics at Old Navy. I like their Diva cut jeans, they fit me well. I like a lot of their summer dresses and tops. Wash and wear, that's perfect for me.

Banana Republic- Oh Banana. How I love thee. Especially at cheap outlet prices. I can spend hours in the Banana outlet. I bought silk tunic shirts for $6.99, 3/4 sleeve wrap tops for $9.99, dresses for $12.99....oh I love this store. I'd say that at least half my wardrobe is from the Banana outlet.

Those are my main 3 Go-To stores. I do find things in Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Gap, Ann Taylor, etc but if I have limited time then I always head for my Go-To stores first.

Where I shop for my KIDS:

Crazy 8- A store by Gymboree. It's the lower price Gymboree. Kind of like Old Navy is the lower price Gap. I buy a lot of stuff from Crazy 8. A lot of The Pre-Teen's shirts come from here and at least half of The Toddler's summer wardrobe was from there.

Gymboree and Gymboree outlet- I wait for the sales, hit the outlet often and line mix. Oh yes I said it- I'm a line mixer. I buy a lot of stuff for The Girl and The Toddler from Gymboree.

Old Navy and Gap- I love the Junk Food tees at Gap and the Collectibitees from Old Navy. A lot of The Pre-Teen and The Toddler's tops come from these 2 stores. I like the jeans for The Pre-Teen because he requires husky sizes and they go on sale at Old Navy quite often.

The Childrens Place- Great for basics. I buy most of Boy2's clothes from TCP and almost all of The Pre-Teen's pants come from TCP. He loves the elastic waist cargo pants. I buy The Girl's jeans from here and she gets most of her tops from here as well. Also a great source for shoes. They have massive sales at the outlet and I can spend $300 and come home with 8 huge shopping bags full of stuff.

Target- They have some of the cutest shirts for The Toddler. I love them and at $4 a pop, if he spills his spaghetti I don't need CPR. I buy him a lot of basic pants and shorts here too. Also a good place for shoes.

Those are my main places to shop. I still love Janie and Jack and Mini Boden and Next International and Naartjie. And Pumpkin Patch...And Baby Lulu....Sigh...I just don't love the prices.

Things I discovered at last night's Parent/Teacher Night

We had 2nd Semester Parent/Teacher night last night. Always a good time. Sitting in that classroom with 20-something other parents, I figured a few things out.

1. Teachers are either getting younger or I'm just getting older. I think I have jeans older than some of them.

2. There will always be that one parent that will recite the entire homework policy and question the validity almost all of it. And that parent will usually be the one with improper grammar and a loose interpretation of the English language.

3. Either those chairs got smaller or my ass got a hell of a lot bigger.

4. You will never see me on 'Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader'. I'm not even smarter than the 3rd grader sitting next to me.

5. Looking at the other parents, I am willing to place bets that my child is one of the smartest and most well adjusted kid in this class.

6. Teachers possess the innate ability to make even the most grown up of parents feel like chastised 8 year olds with just one raised eyebrow and a head tilt.

7. I am not the most grown up of parents.

8. They expect a hell of a lot more out of 3rd graders now than they did when I was in school. You know, back when you had to walk 3 miles to school- uphill and in a foot of snow.

9. You can generally tell who are the parents of the class troublemakers. And you can also see where the kids learned to be the class troublemaker.

10. I am so damn glad that I am out of school and there is not enough money in the world to make me ever go back.

What happened to my brain?

I used to have a brain. It used to work. What happened? Here's a little snippet of a typical afternoon in the House of Insanity, it's scary- no wonder I never get anything done.

It all starts when I head outside to walk the dog. As I'm waiting for the dog to do his bizness, I grab the mail and start to sort it. I see that the mailman delivered something to my house that was intended for my neighbor. I set the mail on the front stoop, let the dog inside and head across the street to deliver the letter. On my way across the yard, I see that someone has thrown a bag of trash in my yard. I decide to pick up the trash first because it's supposed to rain. On my way to the trashcan, I see that the kids have left out various pieces of sporting equipment. I set the trash down and open the garage door to put the kids crap inside before it rains.

Once inside the garage, I see that The Girl has left her jacket and gloves in the floor behind the mini van. I grab them and head through the house to hang them in the front closet. In the front closet, I can't find a free hanger because of all the clutter. I start sorting through the jackets and coats that no longer fit to make a Goodwill pile. I remember that I have a pile of stuff up in the master bedroom that need to go to Goodwill so I go upstairs to grab them. While upstairs, I see that The Girl has left her juice soaked shirt and pants lying on the carpet in her bedroom. Grab them and head down to the laundry room. Start a load of dark wash. Remember that there is a load of white's in the dryer from earlier and start the dryer over to drop wrinkles.

Hear the bus coming up the road and run to unlock front door so The Pre-Teen doesn't think I forgot him. Head back to laundry room but get distracted by The Pre-Teen coming in the house. He drops shoes, bookbag, jacket, hat and lunchbox on the floor in front entry way. Spend 5 minutes yelling about mess and 10 minutes picking up the stuff that falls out of the closet when The Pre-Teen tries to put his stuff away. Hear the dryer buzz and start towards the laundry room when I smell something foul. Start sniffing around to find source of odor. Discover it's coming from the back end of The Toddler. Go to get a diaper and discover the basket is empty. Head to garage to open new box of diapers. While out there I notice that an entire shelf of board games has fallen down, spilling the contents all over the floor. Say naughty words under my breath as I sort out the pieces and shovel them back in their respective boxes. Fix shelf. Stack games back on top of shelf. Ponder why I'm in the garage in the first place. Give up.

Head for kitchen to defrost chicken for dinner. Answer phone when it starts to ring. Assure telemarketer that we do not need our gutters cleaned. Hang up. Barely survive avalanche of frozen food that leaps out of freezer onto the floor in front of me. Pick through food to throw away the expired and/or undesirable stuff. Cram everything else back inside the freezer, including the chicken. Hear the dryer buzz again and hustle to fold white wash. Halfway through, notice a bare naked baby run past the door. I chase aforementioned bare naked baby through the house. Go to get a diaper. Remember why I went to the garage in the first place. Go get diapers. Chase bare naked baby through the house again and tape diaper to his ass. Wonder what happened to his stinky diaper. Hear phone ring. Can't find phone. Find stinky diaper. Spend thirty minutes cleaning poo off the carpet in the playroom.

Big Daddy gets home and asks what's for dinner. Return to freezer to remove chicken and find phone in freezer. Can't find chicken. Remember throwing away food, check the trash can. Find the chicken. Give up and order pizza. Big Daddy asks what I did all day. Go get clean rags out of dryer to mop up all the blood.

No wonder I'm so tired.

Now where the hell did I put that mail?

The Boob Tube

Hi. My name is Snarky Mom and I am addicted to TV.

(chorus) Hi Snarky Mom.

Wow, thanks for making me feel so welcomed. I guess I should share about my addiction. Umm, where to start? It's a little embarrassing, especially in light of all of those reports that say television is harmful to children. Yeah. About that...well, My Bad. Although if my kids end up with ADHD I will more than likely blame the high fructose corn syrup, red dyes and excessive use of the microwave. Because we all know that those things are harmful too. Ahem.

But it's not my fault. Not really. Like any good addict, I blame others. I blame ABC, CBS, NBC, TLC, FOX, TBS, A&E, TNT....stop producing such good shows and I will cut down on my boob tube time. No, really, I will. I just can't help myself when there are so many good things to watch and so little time to enjoy them. Then, each season they put out new shows that catch my attention. It's a vicious cycle.

However, things have gotten slightly out of hand. The DVR is full, it holds more than 300 hours of television programming and it's full. Of course, most of those are HD shows and I can justify it by saying that the DVR holds a lot less HD programming than regular standard tv. Right? I'm tired of trying to decide which show to erase before I even get a chance to watch it because I just cannot not record Hoarders this week. And let's just throw it out there- when some stations decided to cram even more shows into their lineups by splitting what once used to be one long season made up of 20 new episodes and 12 re-runs into 2 different seasons, it made my choices more difficult. I get the reasoning behind it, they can peddle more new shows and increase the revenue from their advertisement spots. But damn, how am I supposed to catch up on the previous 20 weeks when I no longer have a 10 week hiatus with no new shows? And now they have even more new series in the summer. Army Wives, Burn Notice, In Plain sight.....

There are really only a handful of shows that I feel are Must See TV each week. Among those, I include: Criminal Minds, Glee, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, Private Practice, Teen Mom, NCIS, Sons of Anarchy, Flash Forward, The Middle, Modern Family.....okay, so it's more than a handful. Geez, get off my back about it.

Seriously though, the TV is on pretty much all the time around here. Even if we are not watching, it provides background noise. I get itchy when there is too much peace and quiet. I need background noise.

I've had to let some shows go. It's nothing personal, I just can't watch them all. TLC made it easier when they cut Jon & Kate plus 8. But the others have been harder to choose between. But I did it.

Here for your ridicule and finger pointing viewing pleasure is my new and reduced Must See TV List, in no particular order and not including shows that are off season or on hiatus. We'll deal with those later.

Teen Mom
Lie to Me
CSI: Miami
Men of a Certain Age
NCIS
NCIS: LA
The Good Wife
The Middle
Mercy
Criminal Minds
American Idol
Glee
Modern Family
The Vampire Diaries
FlashForward
Grey's Anatomy
The Mentalist
Private Practice
Psych
Desperate Housewives
Three Rivers
Cold Case
Brothers & Sisters
Burn Notice
Dog the Bounty Hunter

Wow. That's still a lot. And that's not even all of them. And of course, it doesn't include the ones I deleted from the DVR.

Hi. My name is Snarky Mom and I am addicted to TV.

Project Organize and Simplify: 2010

This house needs some organization. There are many children living here...with their stuff. They have a lot of stuff. Our house is overflowing with stuff. I have made my list of places that require organizing/remodeling and I've put them into categories: Minor, In-Depth, and Bring the Dumpster. Sadly, most fall into either the In-Depth or the Bring the Dumpster category.

Big Daddy was darn near hyperventilating when he saw my Master List for 2010. I think he saw the tax return disappearing almost as soon as it hits the checking account. I tried to show him my plans and to explain that the majority of them were all about moving existing things to new places to maximize storage and organization. I don't think he heard me though, he was too busy trying to make the ringing in his ears stop.

The first major project up on the list is The Big Playroom ReModel. It involves a lot of painting, a lot of moving around of furniture and a lot of getting rid of excess clutter and old toys. I am super excited about this remodel. There will be a dress up area for The Girl, an art center for the kids, a Movie space for the kids and I'm splurging on a new kitchen set that they've been begging to get for over a year. Thanks to Ikea and Hobby Lobby, this redo is set to cost me less than $200, not including the kitchen.

The second major project up on the list is The Toddler's Big Boy Room, which I actually started this weekend. The toddler bed, which was converted from the crib, is going to be put up in the attic. I would get rid of it but the last time we got rid of all the baby stuff, I got a Big Fat Positive on a pee stick the next week. No kidding. We had a yard sale on a Saturday and I sold all of our baby stuff- the cradle, the crib, the toys, the swing, the stroller, the carseat, the bathtub....everything. 5 days later, on Thursday, I peed on a stick and dollar signs started scrolling past my eyes. I will not be making the same mistake again. The crib and all other baby items will gather dust in the attic until I hit menopause. Ahem.

Where was I? Oh yes, The Toddler's Big Boy Room. The chest of drawers in his room is heading for The Pre-Teen's closet and The Toddler is getting the white armoire that used to be The Girl's. I spent yesterday sanding, cleaning and painting a wood headboard and footboard that I picked up for $5 at a yard sale over a year ago. It's been gathering dust in the garage since then. I gave it 2 coats of white paint and it will fit nicely with his sailboat themed room. I'll add some new linens and his big boy room is done.

Which leads to the next big project. The Pre-Teen's room. The Girl got a brand new remodeled room in October, which was a huge undertaking but so worth the work. Now The Toddler's room is being redone. All that is left is The Pre-Teen's room. He finally picked out the bedding he wants and I found most of the other decor that I want to use. He's getting the old corner TV stand from the playroom and the older 19" tube TV with a DVD player and the Playstation 2. This will be the first time he's been allowed to have a TV in his room, but he's 9 and quite frankly he's tired of watching Elmo with The Toddler and Max & Ruby with The Girl. I cannot blame him. He will not have satellite access, just the DVD player. Right now there is a desktop computer in his room that Big Daddy uses for the budget as there is no internet access anymore on it. That is being recycled and we'll be buying a nice new desktop to keep in the family room.

Those are my major projects for the first part of the year. We also have plans to stain the back deck in the Spring. We've hired a contractor who is going to build a roof over our hot tub gazebo and shingle it with the leftover shingles from our new roof. Then we will be installing some type of flooring around the hot tub, screening the entire thing in, adding a door that can be locked and hanging some kind of privacy shades. I am so excited about this project. We'll be able to leave the hot tub open aired for all but 3 months of the year and I think we'll use it so much more once we're done.

I have lots of little projects that are piling up on me too. I want to paint the kitchen cabinets but I'm waffling between black and a creamy khaki color. The appliances are black and they are fairly new so we won't be changing them out to stainless for several more years, which makes me worry that the black cabinets with black appliances will be too dark and monochromatic. Then I thought about painting them cream but our counters are predominantly cream with some khaki specks and our sink is cream. In a few years we'll be changing out to granite counters and a stainless sink, but for now- they're cream. So I'm leaning towards painting the cabinets a creamy khaki color to pull out the color of the specks in the counter. Or maybe I should go wild and paint them a bright color to horrify my proper, English mother. That would send her straight to therapy, I'm sure. This is what the kitchen looks like now- any thoughts or suggestions are more than welcome:

So many projects, so little time. I'll be blogging each project- the before, during and after- so stay tuned this year to watch our House become our Home!

And a few prayers for Big Daddy's sanity will be more than welcome.

*snicker*

Show Us How You Live: Weight Loss, Diets & Workouts

Weight Loss....Diets....Workouts....that's the topic at Kelly's Korner today. I'll be honest, I hate to diet. I hate exercise even more. I've always been fairly fortunate that my weight stayed steady without the need to diet. I played soccer for 20+ years which kept me toned and fit. Then I had kids. Yeah....Let me tell you a little story.

I gained a whole lot of weight when I was pregnant with The Girl. I was high on the addictive power of double cheeseburgers and hot fudge brownies. I justified it by buying into the theory that nursing would help me shed the baby weight. Then we had trouble nursing- she was a preemie with severe jaundice and had trouble latching. Good times. I lost the first 30 pounds but those last 10 pounds just stuck around. It took me a full year to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight but nothing was in the same place anymore.

When I got pregnant with The Toddler, I was more careful. I gained less than half of what I gained with The Girl. Then The Toddler was a breastfeeding champ who nursed for 20 months. While he was nursing, I shed pounds like a nudist sheds clothes at the beach. I was 8 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight when I finally weaned the vampire baby. Unfortunately for my thighs, I seriously underestimated how many calories you burn while producing breastmilk and I did not adjust my diet. In a month I gained 10 pounds. Nice.

Something had to be done. Something turned out to be the 30 Day Shred, aka Torture by Jillian Michael's. Holy Hamstrings. It was ugly, people. Ugly. You ain't got no alibi, ugly.

The first day, I was all "Oh, that's not so bad. I can do this."

The second day, I was less enthusiastic but still, "Not so bad, it will be worth it when my thighs don't look like cottage cheese."

The third day, I started to question my sanity.

The fourth day, I crawled to the bathroom and lay on the tile in the fetal position because I couldn't drag my poor body up to the toilet.

The fifth day, I cursed the day Jillian Michael's was born and would have put a hit out on her if I could have made my fingers move to dial the phone or type on the computer.

The sixth day, I started making a will just in case.

The seventh day, I decided that perhaps being a fat ass wouldn't be so bad after all.

And on the eighth day, I rested. Well, more of a coma but let's not split hairs, shall we?

The End.

65 in 365- Month Two Update

Completed items are marked out.
In process items are bolded.

*Make a memory box for each of the kids
*Create and order photobooks for 2004-2009 1/6
*Walk the loop at least 3x a week (complete after 4 months) 0/4
*Make and stick to weekly cleaning, laundry and menu schedules (complete after 16 wks) 0/16
*Plan a beach vacation
*Paint bathroom and kitchen cabinets 0/3
*Change hardware on bathroom and kitchen cabinets 0/3
*Do a Girl's Night Out 4 times 0/4
*Try 20 new recipes 9/20
*Re-stain back deck
*Build gazebo roof over hot tub, screen it in and add flooring
*Purchase new deck furniture and decor
*Read 25 new fiction books 6/25
*Have professional family portrait done
*Lose final 10 pounds
*Purchase new DSLR camera (and learn to use it)
*Finish Playroom Remodel
*Make our wills and set up trusts
*Transfer home movies to DVD
*Upload digital photos onto shutterfly and organize by month for safekeeping 10/82 months
*Make bed every day (complete after 30 days, will restart every time I miss a day) 7/30
*Stick to a firm household/food budget (complete after 6 months) 0/6
*Make realistic budget for children's clothing and stick to it (complete after 2 seasons) 0/2
*Have garage sale and take leftovers straight to Goodwill
*Establish family night twice a month (complete after 4 months) 0/4
*Take kids to drive in movie at least twice 0/2
*Go on date night with Big Daddy once a month(complete after 4 mths) 1/4
*Take The Girl on a spa/salon day
*Find hair stylist and get at least 3 cuts 0/3
*Take kids to the safari zoo
*Get kids baby books up to date 0/4
*Give up caffeinated soda
*Create a Family Command Center somewhere in the house
*Update photos in frames around the house
*Purchase picture canvas for each child for wall
*Register The Girl for Kindergarten
*Host a Superbowl party
*Host Thanksgiving dinner
*Go to an outdoor concert
*Start (or join) a book and wine club
*Remove or replace curtains in Kitchen/Nook
*Get dressed to the shoes every day (complete after 30 days) 0/30
*Organize all closets 1/7
*Organize all recipes into one place
*Take kids to amusement park
*Decorate house for Christmas (inside and out)
*Build a snowman (assuming it snows enough 'round these parts)
*Read 10 non-fiction books 0/10
*Finish redecorating kids bedrooms 1/3
*Use money from garage sale to buy a Wii
*Start a new family Christmas tradition
*Buy each kid a Christmas ornament
*Make Christmas list for kids and stick to it this year
*Volunteer at children's shelter 6 times 1/6
*Take kids to children's museum
*Take kids to summer movie camp series
*Organize block party for our street
*Buy new spa towels for master bathroom
*Get kids hair cut 3 times each Boy1-1/3 The Girl 0/3 The Toddler 1/3
*Donate outgrown toys/baby equipment to children's shelter twice a year 1/2
*Re-certify to work hotline at hospital
*Schedule Big Daddy's Big V, drug him and drag him to the appointment
*Research alternative schools for Boy2
*Clean out and organize garage
*Make a new list of 65 things

I altered one of these to better fit what I needed. Instead of saving all our digital photos to disk, I'm uploading them by month to shutterfly. I am also saving them to a flash drive that we will keep in our safety deposit box. 10 months down, 72 to go. Sigh...

The Golden Rules: Snarky Style

I love this wall plaque. I want to make one to hang on the wall in the family room. Unfortunately the rules on my plaque will resemble something more fitting for a cage match than a family.

No biting
No throwing chairs
No weapons
No hair pulling
Keep it above the belt

We try to keep the rules simple around the Snarky House. We do have a couple of hard and fast rules that we refer to all the time.

Respect each other: possessions, person, privacy and space

That one pretty much sums it all up. It covers the no hitting, no biting, no shoving....blah blah blah and it sounds much nicer and less cage matchy.

Family comes First

Any decisions that we make are made with this rule in mind. Our family comes first. We've taught the kids this from the time they were tiny. Boy1 will heckle the hell out of The Girl but have mercy on anyone else who does it.

And of course, we have the all important:

Ten Golden Rules of the Snarky House (plus one to grow on)

#1-Freedom is not a right, it's a privilege. Don't abuse it.

#2-Children left unattended in our backyard will be given a Red Bull and a Puppy and sent back home.

#3-I don't care what the Smith's have for dinner, where the Jones' go on vacation or how much the Martin's spend on their clothes. You don't live there, you live here. Deal with it.

#4-I make one dinner a night. If you don't like what I serve, see you at breakfast.

#5-We encourage free expression of your feelings. We just don't want to hear them so take the bitching to your room.

#6-This is not a democracy- your vote does not count. We are not your friends. Consider us your probation officers. See number one.

#7-Chores are not optional. If you tell me that Lincoln freed the slaves you will find yourself picking up dog shit in the backyard. And not our backyard either, the neighbors yard- they have a Great Dane.

#8-Obeying your parents is mandatory. See number one.

#9-Whining is discouraged. No seriously, it's discouraged.

#10-There is nothing you can attempt to do that we have not already done, tried to do or got caught doing. We will catch you. There will be no parole.

#11-Disrespect will not be tolerated. We have the power to make your life extremely unpleasant. See number one.

That about sums up the rules in the Snarky House. They tend to serve us well and they are fairly self explanatory.

What are some of your house rules?

The Girl's Room Remodel: The Details

It's all in the details, right? I promised to show the step by step process to doing The Girl's big room remodel. Well here it is, never say I didn't give you anything.

What I should have done is clear the entire room prior to starting this redo, but I'm lazy. So I just worked around the clutter. I moved everything away from the walls where I was doing the picket fence and just kept moving stuff around to make more room. To prepare the room, I removed all the nails and hooks that were not going to be reused. Then I spackled them and painted them yellow.

Here's a funny story for you- want to know why you can see some shiny spots on some of the walls in the pictures? Well, when looking in the shed for the yellow paint to touch up The Girl's walls, I neglected to differentiate between the Satin yellow of her bedroom and the Semi-gloss from the hall bathroom. So yeah, little issue. I had already touched up the entire room when I figured it out. I had to go back, prime those spots and re-paint them with the proper paint because you cannot just slap some satin paint on top of semi gloss. Ask me how I know this. So these pictures were taken before the re-touch ups were done.

The first step was to buy the materials to make the picket fence. I found the wooden picket fence slats at Home Depot for $1.47 each and I needed 13 of them. I bought the Valspar multi purpose primer that requires no sanding. I did lightly sand the slats however before applying 2 coats of the primer.

I did let each coat dry for 24 hours before applying the next coat, the primer is sticky and it will bubble if you're not careful to let it dry completely. Ask me how I know this.

Once the second coat of primer was dry, I painted the slats cream. It took 3 coats of cream to get the finish that I wanted and I let each coat dry for 24 hours before applying the next coat.

While I waited for the paint to dry, I worked on getting the walls ready for the slats. First thing I did was measure, re-measure and re-measure again to make sure of where I wanted my slats to hang. I measured The Girl's bed, figured out exactly where I wanted the fence to end and divided it by the number of slats that would be on each wall. I had originally planned on hanging 2x4's horizontally to make the upper and lower posts but I wanted more stability for the slats so I painted them on the wall instead. I figured out the height that I wanted for each post and taped them out on the wall. Note- use a level. Trust me. Once I had them taped off, I went over them with one coat of the same yellow paint that was already on the walls. It helped seal the tape to the wall and made sure that I got an even, straight line with none of the cream paint bleeding through under the tape.

Next step was to paint the posts with the same cream paint that I used on the slats. It took 2 coats to get the right coverage. I probably could have done one coat if I'd used the primer but I didn't.

Next step- remove the tape. Thanks to the tip of painting the inside of the stripe with the wall color before using the cream paint, I had no touch ups to do. I got 4 really crisp, straight lines.

Next step was to attach the slats to the walls. Originally I had planned to use Liquid Nails but I was concerned that it would be really difficult to take them off the wall in the future so I went with super strength Gorilla wood glue instead. This was the most tedious part of the whole remodel. I coated the back of each slat with the glue, positioned it on the wall and had to hold it with one hand while using the level with the other hand to make sure it was straight and even. Once I made sure the position was correct, I used painters tape to secure the slat to the wall. Gorilla glue is strong but it has to set, preferably for 24-36 hours.

Once I was sure that the glue was set, I removed the tape and tested the slats. They were totally secured to the wall, no wiggle or movement at all. Then I got to the fun part. I moved her bed into position and got to decorate. I bought 2 packs of the wall decals that matched her bedding set and created her wall scenes.

I had enough decals to make the flowing flowers off of the picket fence and decorate the closet doors, neither of which were in my original plans but I love both details. I did her entire room for under $250. I already had the cream paint, and I re-used her white bed skirt.

Here's the breakdown:

$19.50- fence slats

$9.99- the primer

$47.99- the quilt and sham set

$14.99- the sheet set

$16.99- the owl pillow

$12.99- the polka dot pillow

$25.99- 2 sets of wall decals

$19.99- the throw rug

$14.99- the side table

$24.99- the lamp

$12.99- the mushroom night light

$17.99- the valance

The look on The Girl's face when she saw the room was priceless. Worth so much more than the money spent.

Red Curtain Remodel Reveal: The Girl's Room

A few months ago, I told you all that I was embarking on a journey to remodel the kids bedrooms. It has turned out to be a huge project for a number of reasons. First, they are old enough to have opinions now. Second, two of the bedrooms had to be swapped thanks to a very loud garage band that our teenage neighbor started. Third, my children have largely inflated ideas of the talent their mother possesses. S'rsly.

I started with The Girl's room because it was a part of her birthday present. Big Daddy took The Pre-Teen and The Girl to visit his parents one weekend back in October and I took full advantage of having only one child at home. I am finally revealing the entire redo for you guys. I split it into two posts- the finished product and the step by step process to get to the finished product.

But first, here is the progression of The Girl's room over the past five years. She has had basically the same theme since birth. She started with the Sienna Patch nursery set complimented by butterflies and flowers.

The Nursery:

The Toddler Room kept the same basic theme with the flowers and butterflies (and the same valance because I was lazy and the Dora pillowcase because it was a bribe to keep The Girl in her new toddler bed):

The Big Girl Room (take one) kept the same old butterfly and flower theme updated with new big girl bedding from Target and a few new accessories:

The Big Girl Room (take two) same ole, same ole but we flipped the comforter over to the plaid side and moved around the furniture and accessories:

We shopped around to find the bedding set that The Girl really wanted. She had her heart set on a set from Pottery Barn kids but the price almost made my head spin around. Finally after months of negotiations, she found the one. She fell in love with the Love and Nature Collection from Target. I knew as soon as I saw the quilt what I wanted to do with her room. It was a long tedious remodel but so worth it in the end.

Drum roll please.......

Ta Da!

I really pink puffy heart it. So does she. Click HERE to see the post showing the remodel step by very long step.

Anatomy of a Loss

[This post contains some graphic details about a miscarriage. If you are sensitive about this topic, this might be a post that you want to skip.]

An acquaintance of ours experienced a loss this week. She miscarried her first child at around 9 weeks. They went in for a normal OB appointment and found out that the baby was no longer viable. She is having a D&E tomorrow. Big Daddy works with her husband. The husband is even more broken up about than his wife, or so it seems from the outside looking inside. He took the whole week off of work and might take next week off as well. Big Daddy went on and on about how horrible it is for them, how she has to have a major surgery, blah blah blah. I don't mean to sound insensitive but damn, I miscarried twins in my second trimester and had an emergency D&E. I was alone. He sure as shit didn't seem that concerned when it was me going through it.

Oops, sorry. Went off on a tangent there for a minute. I'm back now...

One thing that I have learned about loss is that nobody handles it the same way. There is no right way, no wrong way. But another thing that I have learned is that nobody wants to talk about it. People pat you on the shoulder, make soothing noises and move on. They don't want to know the details, the inside information. For some, maybe it hits too close to home and reminds them of things that they don't want to remember. For others, maybe they've never experienced such a loss and they don't understand how completely it can consume you. Nobody tells you what to expect when you have a miscarriage. Nobody wants to share the details.

So today, I will tell you about my worst miscarriage. The one that brought me to my knees and stole a little piece of my soul. The one that I almost didn't recover from. I will share the details.

Back in 2006, in between my pregnancies with The Girl and The Toddler, I had another pregnancy. Big Daddy had just started his new job and his health insurance had not kicked in yet. I had to apply for State aid for pregnant women. I was 4 weeks and 5 days along when I filed the application. Nowhere in New City would see you if you did not have the State Aid card already in your possession. It take anywhere from 4 to 12 weeks to get a card. State Aid doesn't offer timely aid, that's for sure.

I had normal pregnancy symptoms starting around week 6. Everything progressed normally until the middle of my 9th week. I had some cramping and light spotting. I called to find out the status of my State Aid and was told it was still in process and I should go to the ER. I went by myself because we had nobody to watch the other 3 kids. I sat in a crowded, smelly waiting room sitting next to a lady who brought her own puke bucket. Charming. I waited for 5 hours before being taken back to a room. The nurse was in a hurry, the doctor was in an even bigger hurry. They rushed me off to the ultrasound room almost immediately.

The ultrasound tech was so cold. She kept the screen pointed away from me, saying nothing the entire time. Five minutes passed, then ten minutes. Twenty minutes later, she shuffled me back to my room with not a word having been spoken the entire time. I sat and waited by myself in that cold room for another 2 hours before the ER doctor made it back in to see me. I still remember his words.

"The ultrasound shows twins, but they look small. Both have heartbeats, for now. There's no way to tell if you are losing one or both of them. You'll just have to wait it out."

That's it. Then he left. Twins. Two heartbeats. No explanation for the bleeding. Just go home and wait.

So I went home and waited. The bleeding stopped, then started, stopped, then started. I called the State Aid office repeatedly, each time being told that my application was still in process. I called around to every single OB's office in New City, trying to find one who would see me while the application was in process. Finally, one agreed to see me. I was 10 weeks pregnant.

I drove 45 minutes to the other end of the city. By myself. I sat in a little cramped waiting room, surrounded by some unsavory characters. I prayed, first for the health of the babies and then that I didn't get shanked in the parking lot. The nurse called me back into the smallest exam room that I have ever seen in my life. The doctor did the shortest exam I have ever had in my life. It couldn't have taken more than 3 minutes. She couldn't tell me anything. I was still bleeding. She wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic in case I had a vaginal infection. I asked about an ultrasound and she said they didn't have the equipment. As I left, the receptionist charged me $365. I argued. I told her the date I called and the person I spoke to, who said I wouldn't be charged. She threatened to call the police unless I paid. I paid $365 to talk to an OB for less than 5 minutes and to leave not knowing anything other than the knowledge I came in with. I sobbed all the way home. That was our grocery money.

Two weeks later, one day shy of my 13th week of pregnancy, I started to bleed again. I called the State Aid office. In process- still. Again, I had to go to the ER. I chose a different ER this time. They were much nicer. The nurse was very sympathetic and motherly. The doctor was equally sympathetic. He examined me fully before sending me off to the ultrasound. This time the ultrasound technician let me watch the screen and she just kept saying "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." There were two babies, but only one heartbeat. And not a strong heartbeat. The ER doc explained what he felt was happening. Twin A had passed sometime in the previous 3-4 days. Twin B was barely hanging on and he felt it was likely that I would lose them both. He gave me the option of scheduling a D&E immediately or waiting to see what would happen.

I chose to wait and see. I couldn't fathom the thought of terminating the one baby with a heartbeat when there was a chance, albeit a slim chance, that the baby might survive. So I went home again. And waited. And bled. And bled. And bled.

When another week passed without any improvement, I went back to the ER again. An ultrasound confirmed that I had lost Twin B. The doctor felt that I was in beginning stages of the miscarriage and that it would be fine to let me go home and miscarry naturally. I was in my 14th week. I didn't ask questions. I should have asked questions. I went home.

A week and a half later, it got worse. Late in the night I began to pass huge clots. Clots the size of my fist. Sometime that night I also passed 2 perfectly formed little babies, still in their amniotic sacs. It was a blood bath in our bathroom. Big Daddy was freaked the hell out and so was I. Around dawn, I started to feel really sick and I made the decision to head to the ER again. This time Big Daddy took me because I was so dizzy that I couldn't drive. They examined me immediately in the ER, confirmed that I passed both babies and gave me IV fluids. I was there for 6 hours before they sent us home. I was told to expect some continued bleeding for a week or so.

Three weeks later, a few days after the bleeding had come to a halt, I started passing huge clots again and I woke up with a high fever. Back to the ER I went. Alone this time as we had nobody available to watch the kids. The ER doctor took one look at me and called in the on call OB. I guess I looked bad. I had an ultrasound that confirmed I had retained products of pregnancy. I also had a serious uterine infection and was so severely anemic from blood loss that I required 2 units of blood before they could proceed with the D&E. I called Big Daddy, who called my mom, who left immediately to come help but she lives 2 hours away.

I sat in the pre-op room by myself while they prepared to do the surgery. I spoke to the anesthesiologist who scared the shit out of me with all his allergy questions. The nurses made soothing noises about me being alone. I just wanted it over with. I was already out of surgery by the time Big Daddy was able to get there. I remember waking up in recovery and he was there. I don't remember anything else from that day.

The next few days passed in a haze of nausea from the pain meds, fever from the infection and headache from God only knows what. It was like having the flu multiplied by 100. I didn't find out until later that I should never have been allowed to go home at such a late gestation while in the midst of a miscarriage. It took me a long time to make peace with that loss. The first few weeks were spent just trying to physically recover, the emotional recovery came much later. The entire experience was terrible. But the kicker?

Three days after my emergency D&E, I received my State Aid card in the mail.

Awesome.

Writer's Workshop: What Would I Change About Myself

I'm trying something new. I'm participating in Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop this week.

The Prompt: Describe what you would change about yourself if you could.

Wow. Where to start? Where to start?

Numero Uno: My Hair. I used to have fabulous hair, if I do say so myself. It was long, silky and thick with just enough of a hint of curl to make it purty. I went to the salon every 6 weeks to maintain the nice highlights and shape. Then I had kids. 'Nuff said? I haven't found a salon in New City that I like, which has led to some unfortunate decisions regarding hair maintenance. I would love to get back to the point where I didn't need a hat when I leave the house.

B: My Teeth. Urg. I inherited some horrible teeth. Thanks so much, birth family, for passing on all the shit genes. 'Preciate that. When I was a child I had numerous teeth pulled because my permanent teeth were growing on top of my baby teeth. Stupid baby teeth. Several had to be pulled without anesthesia. Which has resulted in an epic fear of the dentist. Not kidding, even Valium and Xanax don't touch my anxiety when it comes to the dentist. Just taking my kids to the dentist has been known to lead straight to a panic attack. Consequently, my teeth are bad. I'm too chicken to get my wisdom teeth pulled so now my bottom teeth are all crooked. I also inherited a genetic gum issue which means I will probably be 40 with one tooth left in my head. Years of coffee, tea and soda have left stains that not even Mr. Clean's Magic eraser can fix. Plus I have sensitive teeth so I can't use any of those teeth whitener kits. Maybe I should just have them all pulled and go with some dentures. Dentures can be cool, right?

Number 3: My Body. I have always been skinny. Go ahead, hate. I played soccer for 20 + years and that kept my weight stable and stuff toned. Then I blew out my knee in college and that put an end to my soccer days. I stayed the same weight but a little less toned over the years until I got pregnant with The Girl. I gained a lot of weight with The Girl. There wasn't a fast food known to man that I did not crave. It took me a year to lose the weight but even after it all fell off nothing was in the right place anymore. When I got pregnant with The Toddler, I was more careful. I gained barely 20 pounds and lost it all within a few months. Breastfeeding helped. It helped a lot. While I was breastfeeding, the weight stayed off easily. Then I stopped. And the weight started creeping back- mainly to my tummy and thighs/butt areas. I gained 10 pounds in the first month after I stopped breastfeeding. I cannot get rid of the last 5. Cellulite is not attractive. I'm one bad shopping trip away from going after my thighs with a butter knife and a vacuum cleaner hose.

Numero Four: My Mothering Style. I wish that I was one of those mother's who spent every day teaching her children, baking cookies from scratch, singing songs, doing crafts. I wish I could spend the day totally immersed in their little world without wanting to pull out my fingernails with a pair of pliers. Like right now, for example. While I sit here on the couch typing this post and slurping a cup of lukewarm coffee, my two youngest are in the playroom making a fort with couch pillows and blankets. I would love to want to be in there with them, building that fort. But I'd rather give myself a lobotomy. Even as a child I didn't like to play. I'd rather read or write stories, or take photographs and make scrapbooks. Now that's not to say that I never do anything with my kids. I do. We make cookies, from premade dough- let's just be real here. We do art projects occasionally, mostly at holiday's. They play with Play-Doh, draw with markers, dance around to silly songs....they just do it with each other instead of me. I'm there but I'm not always there, if that makes sense. Which leads me to....

E: My Expectations. Well, either my expectations or my skills- one or the other. I beat myself up all the time for not having a perfect show house, for not cooking every night, for not doing this, that or the other. I want to have the perfect house, with nothing out of place. I want to cook every night, a great meal that my whole family would eat without bitching. I'd love to walk in my laundry room and not step over 5 piles of dirty laundry. I just always feel a step behind and that's a blow to the self esteem of any Type A mother.

Number Six: My Reclusive Nature. I have to force myself to go out. I'm a homebody. I didn't used to be this way. I used to love going out- with Big Daddy, as a family or just by myself. Now it just seems like a hassle so I stay home. I have let friendships slide because I don't want to go out. I know that postpartum depression started it but The Toddler will be 2 at the end of this month. Shouldn't I be better by now? I hate to think that this is the way I am going to be forever. We used to throw great parties, have game nights, have BBQ's on the deck or just have friends over for a beer to watch the football game. We haven't in a while. Now that I type it out and see it written here, maybe I need to consider going back on meds. Maybe PPD has just turned into depression. Maybe. I hope.

So those are the main things that I would change about myself and my life. But that would mean putting down the computer and taking a shower right now, so........

Free Range Parenting

What kind of parent are you? Are you a helicopter parent? Are you a Free Range parent? Are you somewhere in between?

This was the topic on the Dr. Phil show that I managed to watch yesterday morning in between refilling sippy cups, changing diapers and trying to clean the Play-Doh out of the carpet. I thought the show was really good. I relate to a couple of the mothers who appeared on the show, Lori and Kristen, who are pretty open with their children. Free Range Parenting.

I thought there were a lot of good points made in the show and the contrast between the mom's was startling at times. It made me think a lot about how I parent and why I am that way. I grew up with a mom who was very much a helicopter parent for a lot of my childhood, she wanted the 411 on where I was, who I was with and what we were doing at all times. That type of parenting, for me, was not the best approach. I didn't get to make my own mistakes and learn from them. I didn't get the chance to establish a healthy self esteem from learning to do things for myself. I rebelled as I got older, big time. I was woefully unprepared for the real world and got myself into some serious situations.

I wanted to be a different type of parent. But working in the field of social work and being a foster parent makes it hard to let go of any amount of control. For me personally, it was not so much the fear of what could happen to my child at the hands of a stranger. It was the fear of what could happen at the hands of CPS. While we were fostering our boys, I lived in fear of every bruise, every scratch, every comment that could be taken the wrong way. As a lot of you know, it doesn't take much for CPS to yank a foster child out of your home for an allegation that is later proven to be unfounded. It's hard to parent with CPS looking over your shoulder like an overbearing and critical Mother in law. It didn't get better when we moved several hours away 4 years ago. The fears made the trip with me. Every time I let my kid play out in the yard unsupervised, I feared that knock on the door. Every time I had an argument with a neighbor, I feared that knock on the door. It's a terrible way to live.

I think the pivotal moment for change came when I saw the way the crazy lady across the street parents her only son. The kid is a social nightmare. He has no social skills, no ability to interact with kids his own age and no manners. I knew that I had to let go of some of the control. I had to take a step back and let my kids learn to be responsible and productive members of society. I started small- letting The Pre-Teen grow out his hair instead of insisting on a shorter style. I worked my way up to letting him learn to cook.

Now I'm a pretty lenient, dare I say Free Range, parent. Not as lenient as some in the neighborhood, but I'm nowhere near as overprotective as the crazy lady. The Pre-Teen is 9 now. He is allowed to go outside to play by himself without me knowing where he is at every single moment. There are boundaries- he can play anywhere between the stop sign at the end of our street and the intersection of the cross street that is 5 houses down from us. It works out nicely that almost every house within those boundaries contains at least one child in his age range that he is friends with. There are 8 or 9 of them outside playing at any given time. They travel between each other's backyards and ride bikes or scooters down the street (which thankfully is a dead end). It's not unusual for me to look out the windows into the backyard and see 9 kids playing pirates in my backyard.

Now that The Girl is 5, she goes out to play with The Pre-Teen. Half of his friends are girls, and the next youngest one besides The Girl is only 6 months older than her. The Pre-Teen knows that he is responsible for her when she is out with him and she knows that she is not allowed to cross streets by herself and that she must stay with the group at all times. We tested this arrangement out during the summer to assess both my comfort level and her maturity. I was in the yard with The Toddler and was able to watch how The Girl interacted with The Pre-Teen and his friends. They enveloped her and made her one of their own. Now when the kids across the street come to the door and ask The Pre-Teen to come out and play, they ask The Girl to come with them. Both kids know the rules, they know the boundaries and they know the consequences. They know what time they have to be home and if they are 5 minutes late then they go to bed 5 minutes early. 10 minutes late, they go to bed 10 minutes early. If they reach 20 minutes late then they do not get to go out and play the next day. The Pre-Teen carries a pre-paid cell phone for safety. He is only allowed to use it to call me or 911.

Over Christmas break, The Pre-Teen learned to cook scrambled eggs on the stove. Always with supervision, of course, but he can do it from start to finish by himself. He also makes his own breakfast in the morning before school. He can choose between cereal, toast and jam, waffles or a bagel. Big Daddy checks his alarm clock each night and The Pre-Teen is responsible for getting himself up, dressed and ready for school. He is responsible for getting to the bus stop on time. If he is late and misses the bus, I charge a dollar for chauffeur service. He also has new, grown up chores now. He helps Big Daddy with the outdoor chores every weekend, he helps unload the dishwasher. Recently he has been given the responsibility for bringing his laundry down to the laundry room and separating the whites, darks and colors into the proper baskets. Once I'm done washing, drying and folding them, he is responsible for putting his own laundry away.

We have not started leaving The Pre-Teen home by himself yet. I'm not quite ready for that yet. My state does not have any firm guidelines or laws concerning the legal age for leaving a child home alone other than a child under age 6 cannot be left home with no supervision. I'm just not quite ready yet. The kid next door is only 6 months older than The Pre-Teen and his parents have been leaving him home alone for well over a year. I can't agree with that, especially not when I see him out roaming the streets by himself while his parents are away. Maybe next year once The Pre-Teen hits double digits.

What type of a parent are you?

I did NOT have an affair with the guy in the commercial

Every time The Toddler hears THIS Insurance Company commercial, he runs from wherever he happens to be in the house to watch it. He points his little finger, jumps up and down and yells out:

"DADDY"

Apparently, all Asians look alike to The Toddler.

PSA: Big Daddy looks nothing like the guy in the video. Nothing at all.

For some reason I cannot get any stupid Youtube videos to embed. The code will not copy. I spent 20 minutes trying to get the code to work. I must go scream now.

Feeling that familiar itch

The itch to organize and redecorate my house. I told Big Daddy about it yesterday. He had heart palpitations.

I can't help it, for some reason ringing in the New Year always makes me go nuts with wanting to update, rearrange and organize my house. Big Daddy does not understand this phenomenon. I tried to tell him that it's a girl thing but he just shook his head and walked away mumbling under his breath.

I took down all the Christmas decorations this weekend and packed them away in the attic. Now I'm left with the clean up of massive amounts of tinsel that was half chewed on by the dog (and The Toddler). Things are out of place and messy and disorganized and.....

Now I'm having heart palpitations. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I have so many ideas rattling around in my brain and I don't know where to start. So many rooms that need work. But I have a very small budget to work with. And by very small, I mean no budget at all. We have a major project planned for Spring. Major. Involving professional contractors. What is this big project, you ask? I'm so glad you asked.

The back deck and yard. It needs work. The whole deck is going to be power washed and re-stained. The back side of the house is going to be power washed also. The contractor is coming to build a roof over our hot tub, vinylize the inside of the roof and add the shingles that match the house. Then we are going to screen in the whole hot tub gazebo, add a screen door that can be locked, hang large canvas blinds that are retractable to give privacy when we're in the hot tub, and lay down some kind of flooring. We had an incident with the hot tub this Spring. While we were at the beach, the neighbor kid jumped our fence and stomped in our hot tub cover. So it's broken and bent and disgusting. It must go. By screening in the entire area and adding a locking door, we can leave the hot tub open air for most of the year and just use the new cover during the winter months. We will use the hot tub so much more, I think.

Plus we plan to purchase new outdoor furniture- a full table/chairs set in one area, a conversation set for another area and my dad is building me a long bench for the other area. I cannot wait until it's done. We also have to mulch around the playground and plant some new shrubs plus fix the very back part of the fence that has fallen down thanks to our last ice storm.

So the majority of our house funds will be going to that project this year. Which leaves me pretty much zero funds to do anything else in the house. Sigh....

What that means is that I will have to get creative. Which could end in disaster.....for everyone.

New and Improved Blog Roll

I spent some time this weekend going through my sadly neglected Blog Roll. I removed blogs that are no longer active, have gone private or haven't updated in more than 6 months.

I also added a bunch of new ones that I read on a regular basis.

Your welcome.

I still have pages and pages of blogs to add but I'm trying to pace myself. It has nothing to do with my natural laziness. Nothing at all.

Book List from 2009- Updated

I had a request from Violet to list which of the books from 2009's list that I read and to add which new series I found that I liked.

HERE is the 2009 List. I went through and updated it this morning to reflect which books I did read. I also added my own personal rating to the book based on my 5 star rating system:

1/5= Didn't even finish the book.

2/5= Finished it....barely. Wouldn't buy it again.

3/5= Good book but not a keeper. Put it in the yard sale pile.

4/5= Great book that earned a spot on my permanent bookshelf. Will read again.

5/5= Could not put it down. Not sure what my kids did or ate while I finished it.

I loved Dee Henderson's O'Malley series so much that I also read her Uncommon Heroes series. It was just as good and I give them all 5/5!

Mid year I discovered Jeaniene Frost's Night Huntress series. Oh my Lawd- it was instant love. There are 4 books in the vampire series with more to come. Each one was better than the last. All of them get 5/5!

I also discovered Christine Feehan. I read 2 of her series, the Dark series and the Drake Sisters series. The Dark vampire series was fantabulous- the person who recommended it to me called it "Twilight all grown up" and I agree. I think there are 20 books in the series and she plans to write more. The Drake Sisters is a series of 7 paranormal books that center around 7 sisters with extraordinary gifts. It was amazing, I think the last 3 in the series are the best.

Some of the other series that I read and wait with great anticipation for each new release include J.D. Robb's In Death series and Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series. I also plan to read Christine Feehan's Ghostwalker's series as well as J.R. Ward's Black Daggar Brotherhood series.

There are a few more that I have bookmarked as possible series to read this year too. I've heard great things about Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games and Catching Fire. I might add those to the list. Also thinking about reading Rachel Caine's Weather Warden series and her Morganville Vampire series. Another one is Kim Harrison's Rachel Morgan series. And Rachel Vincent's Shifter series and maybe her Soul Screamers series too. Can't forget P.C. Cast's House of Night series. Or Patricia Briggs Mercy Thompson series and her Alpha and Omega series too.

Why do there have to be so many good series? Sigh...What about you? Anyone have a suggestion for a great series that I haven't mentioned?

EDIT- I got some more great suggestions from some of my girls. I'm going to read MaryJanice Davidson's Betsy Taylor Undead series and the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare. I also heard good things about Richelle Mead's Georgina Kincaid series.

Book List for 2010

So......I didn't do so great with my 2009 book list. I think I know what happened. I made the list in January but I didn't take into account all the great books that came out in the middle of the year. Or all the new series that I found and then I wanted to read all of them. Sigh...

So this year I will be adding books monthly. I try to read 4 books a month and usually I end up reading more than that.

January:

Sizzle by Julie Garwood

Early Dawn by Catherine Anderson

What I Did for Love by Susan Elizabeth Phillips

High Anxiety by Charlotte Hughes

February:

First Drop of Crimson by Jeaniene Frost

Fantasy in Death by J.D. Robb

Happy New Years!

Previously Unseen Favorite Outakes from 2009

Here at the Snarky House, we collect a lot of pictures. Most of them never make it onto the blog for various reasons. I thought I'd do one whole post dedicated to some of those pictures that otherwise would never get shared. Most involve The Toddler because he's the main troublemaker around here lately.

The Girl playin' dress up.

Just call him Godzilla.

I don't think the hat fits...

The cake goes in your mouth...

Time to go on a diet...

The Toddler's first haircut. He did not approve...

Everyone loves Spaghetti O's...

That is not a smile....

The boy loves his boa...

Boy1 doin the Michael Jackson....He's going to kill me for this picture one day.

Don't worry- the athletic supporter was brand new.

Feeding the toy dog...

Not exactly where the ice needed to go but okay, whatever. At least the screaming stopped.

Time out is not as much fun as he thought it would be. Of course, when it's already your 32nd time there and it's only 10am....it loses it's appeal quickly.

The best place for a child having a tantrum...

He inherited the love of the Mojito from his mama. No lie.

What happens when mama can't get a babysitter. Kidding, I kid. Don't call CPS.

Classin' up the neighborhood. Three seconds later, he pulled that diaper down to his ankles.

In retrospect, not the best placement for the hose. Snort....

One of my most favorite pictures from the beach.

I'll give you two guesses what happened right after this picture was taken....

Another favorite picture from our beach trip.

Where are mommy's keys??

Sigh.....this one is self explanatory...

I hope you enjoyed the Outakes of The Snarky Family 2009. I'm sure 2010 will bring many many more.

Top Ten Bitchiest Posts from 2009

I can't believe we're about to ring in a new year. How did that happen so quickly? I feel like 2009 went faster than any other year and I have been contemplating the reasons why. I made a list. You know how I love my lists.

#1- The Toddler still doesn't sleep thru the night (at age 23 months) and therefore, I am in a permanent state of sleep deprivation.

#2- Postpartum Depression turned into regular ole depression with a side of anxiety thrown in for good measure.

#3- See Number 1 and 2.

Personally, I'm glad to see the end of 2009. Some not so great stuff happened in 2009 that overshadowed the good things that did take place. I'm ready for a fresh start. My blog is ready for a fresh start. I didn't give the blog all the attention that I intended this year. I started out strong and kind of lost steam in the midst of some family crisis'. I'm not totally pleased with my writing this past year, some was good but some was just crap. However, I do have a few favorites from the year. I made another list. I know, I know.

Snarky Mom's Top Ten Bitchiest Posts from 2009:

Can I have fries with that?

A Little Old Lady, A Midget and a Mini Van

Stimulate THIS!!

An Open Letter to eBay and Paypal

Dear Stage Mom

Postcards from the Beach

Dear Bitches

When Beauty Goes Wrong

A man, a list and a grocery store...a comedy, maybe a tragedy

Anyone want oily anal seepage?

Goodbye 2009: Highlights from A Snarky Year

Wow. 2009 is coming to a close. It went so fast, I don't understand why time seemed to creep soooooo slowly as a child and now it just flies by. How's that for irony? Here are some of the highlights from The Snarky Family 2009.

January:

Snarky Mom fought Mother Nature and that bitch won.

The Toddler turned One.

February:

Snarky Mom tackled the Master Bedroom Closet Redo and lived to tell about it.

Snarky Mom turned her living room into a circus.

Snarky Mom shared the dangers of getting waxed by a Non-English speaking sadist.

March:

Snarky Mom fought Mother Nature and that bitch won again.

Snarky Mom got frisked for attempting to break into her own house.

Big Daddy had a whole weekend ruined by Twilight and Snarky Mom has the pictures to prove it.

April:

Snarky Mom survived The Grand Inquisition.

Snarky Mom shared why she is so Grateful for her children.

The Snarky Family entered the Depths of Puppy Hell.

May:

The Girl had her first ballet recital.

The Snarky Family went to The Beach.

Snarky Mom made lots of new friends at the beach.

June:

The Snarky Family did the Summer Festival and some of us ate dog food.

Snarky Mom redecorated The Playroom.

Boy1 started Karate.

July:

The Girl had her first date.

Snarky Mom learned lots of lessons from the 4th of July. (Brand new post that I wrote and forgot to publish way back in July- enjoy)

August:

Snarky Mom embraced Submission.

Boy1 entered Third Grade and Snarky Mom realized how grown up he had become.

September:

Boy2 turned 7.

Boy1 became a Yellow Belt in Karate.

October:

Snarky Mom fell for the Ice Cream Man.

The Snarky Family did the Fall Festival.

The Snarky Family survived Halloween.


November:

The Girl turned 5.

The Girl had her first birthday party with friends. It was a dress up party. And The Toddler had fun dressing up too. Big Daddy is so proud.

Boy1 turned 9 and didn't want a party this year. Instead he wanted us to take the money we would have spent on his party and just give it to him. He's either going to be a millionaire or a politician when he grows up.

December:

Snarky Mom tried to get the perfect Christmas card photo.

Snarky Mom learned some important lessons during the Storm of 2009.

The Snarky Family celebrated Christmas.

Goodbye 2009. Here's hoping 2010 treats us well.

Or at least provides ample blog fodder.

The Snarky Family Week in Review

What a week we had at the Snarky House. Some good, some okay and some suckage. Par for the course around here.

Monday: Big Daddy and I made a date to go to the movies to see New Moon. We haven't been out together, alone, since before The Toddler was born. The last movie we saw in the theater was I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. So we were super excited. The movie was fabulous and we totally enjoyed it. This was the first time that The Toddler has stayed with a babysitter and I enjoyed the movie so much that I didn't worry nearly as much as I thought I would. We chose a babysitter who is a long time friend of the family. I've known her for almost 25 years, she lived with us for awhile when I was a child and she's always been like family to me. So imagine my surprise when we arrived home from the movies and found her completely drunk. Completely. Boy1 pretty much did all the babysitting while she stumbled around in an alcohol induced stupor. We called her a cab and paid Boy1 the $50 that she was supposed to earn. It will be awhile before we go out on a date again.

Tuesday: I woke up sick to my stomach. I thought it was from the previous evening's incident. A few hours later I discovered that my Christmas gift was a stomach virus. A few hours after that, I discovered that The Girl and The Toddler had also been given the same lovely gift for Christmas. The gift that keeps on giving. It was 18 fun filled hours of bodily fluids shooting out of every orifice. The high point? The Toddler upchucking down the back of neck while I was hunched over the toilet. Good times. Although I did lose almost 6 pounds in less than 24 hours. Best worst diet plan ever.

Wednesday: Big Daddy and Boy1 receive their Christmas virus gift. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Thursday aka Christmas Eve: Spent the day cleaning and disinfecting everything in sight for the arrival of my parents and Boy2. Then spent the remainder of the day making Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls. My parents showed up in the early afternoon, Big Daddy came home early from work and we rushed around getting everyone ready for church. After church, we ate a fabulous dinner prepared by my mom and watched Christmas movies while opening our family presents. We usually open all gifts on Christmas morning but my sister had to work Christmas Day this year so we celebrated early. We baked cookies for Santa and drank hot cocoa until we shoveled the kids into bed. The 3 older kids camped out together in the big boy's room so there was a lot of giggling until the late hour of eleven o'clock.

The Girl in her favorite chenille snowman dress.

Boy2 and The Girl reading The Night Before Christmas.

I just wanted one picture of the 4 of them in front of the tree...

One picture with all of them looking and smiling...

Good enough, it will do.

Pack of wolves, I tell you.

Dancing while putting out Santa's cookies and milk.

Shaking that groove thing...

Friday aka Christmas: The Children bounced out of bed at o'dark thirty but Big Daddy bribed them with Christmas cookies and five dollar bills to stay in bed for another hour. Unfortunately for us, Boy1 can tell time so they were back in our room exactly 59 minutes and 58 seconds later. They tore into their Christmas presents like a pack of wolves on a bleeding hiker. They had a blast and every gift was a hit. We scarfed down almost an entire batch of the cinnamon rolls and lay in a sugar coma on the couch watching A Christmas Story and Night at the Museum for the following 6 hours. My parents left in the afternoon but Boy2 stayed with us for the night so he could see the outlaws the next day. We made plans to meet in the middle of our two cities to drop him off the following night. The Children collapsed on the floor of the playroom around 8pm. We left them where they fell and covered them with blankets.









Saturday: The outlaws were supposed to arrive at noon to exchange gifts, then we were all going out to dinner. After dinner, Big Daddy was going out on the town with his 2 brothers, who were spending the night with their wives (one wife, one longtime girlfriend who I count as a sister in law) while I took the kids to drop off Boy2 at the meet point almost an hour away. But true to their inconsiderate nature, they didn't arrive at our house until 5:30pm. Then they didn't want to go out to eat. I hadn't prepared anything because these plans had been set more than 3 weeks prior. Luckily my mother-out-law brought a dish to share. Unfortunately it was loaded with eggs, which meant that The Girl, The Toddler and I had nothing to eat. She had the nerve to scold me for having prepared nothing for them to eat. That conversation ended badly. Then the brothers decided not to spend the night because their mommy didn't want them to. Who me, bitter? It was too late to drive to meet my parents so Boy2 spent another night and we made plans to meet up on Sunday to drop him off. I went to bed furious because Big Daddy refused to speak up and let his family know that they were effin' rude. Sorry, no pictures. I was too mad to take any and I also didn't want there to be any photographic evidence in case I went batshit crazy on their asses.

Sunday: Instead of the lazy day we so desperately needed, we had to drive to drop off Boy2 with my parents. They invited The Girl to spend a few days with them so I packed her stuff up and we dropped them both off around 1pm. Got home just in time to spend the rest of the day cleaning and doing laundry.

Where's the liquor? Oh yeah, the babysitter drank it all.

Bitch.

Merry Christmas!

Lessons Learned During the Storm of 2009

#1: The meteorologists will be wrong. They always are.

#2: The power will go out. It always goes out.

#3: Waiting until the power goes out to search for flashlights and batteries is a Very Bad Idea.

#4: There will never be enough of the right size of batteries.

#5: Telling The Children that it's just like camping will sound more appealing if you're not weeping and fondling the remote.

#6: Being Amish would suck.

#7: The 800 number reported by the news to call in power outages is the wrong number.

#8: If you press 1, you will then have phone sex with Candy Cane.

#9: Candy Cane is not a girl.

#10: Two hours of telling ghost stories is not a good idea right before bedtime.

#11: The Pre-Teen is still scared of the dark.

#12: The dog is not fond of the dark either.

#13: The dog howls when scared.

#14: Three hours of staring at your spouse in the dark with no electronic background noise and nothing left to talk about is akin to waterboarding.

#15: You will forget to turn everything off when you give up and stumble to bed in the dark.

#16: The Toddler will wake up as soon as you fall asleep.

#17: The Girl will wake up as soon as The Toddler falls back to sleep...in your bed.

#18: The Pre-Teen will wake everyone up just minutes after you all fall back to sleep.

#19: It is not possible for 5 people to sleep comfortably in a Queen size bed.

#20: Your children will take over the bed and the covers leaving you shivering and half hanging off the side of the bed.

#21: The Girl talks in her sleep. Loudly.

#22: Five people and a dog are not able to co-exist peacefully in a Queen size bed.

#23: The power will come back on at 3am and wake everybody up because you forgot to turn off 2 TV's, a CD player and all the lights.

#24: The power will go off again at 3:30am, just to mess with your head.

#25: When morning finally arrives, The Children will be bright eyed and bushy tailed while you are dragging your tired ass around with less than 2 hours sleep.

#26: You cannot put a price on Children's NyQuil. It's liquid gold in a bottle.

MckMama's doing another giveaway!

MckMama and Grammie Mommy have teamed up to do a great giveaway. If you love photography, then you need to go check it out!

Snarky Mom's Christmas Wish List 2009

Big Daddy and I are not exchanging gifts this year in an effort to save money for a really great Disney vacation next year. But that doesn't stop a girl from dreaming.....

So what would be on my Christmas list this year? I'm so glad you asked.

#1: Nikon D3000 DSLR Camera

#2: Bvlgari Perfume

#3: Bare Minerals Makeup set

#4: LeVian Chocolate Diamond Ring

#5: Lisa Leonard Designs Heartstrings necklace w/ the kids names



#6: Dyson All Floors Bagless Vacuum

#7: Coach Poppy Tartan Glam Tote



#8: Mr. Coffee Frappe Maker

#9: Apple iPhone

#10: Pioneer Woman CookBook


There ya go. That's Snarky Mom's fantasy Christmas list. Sigh. A girl can dream can't she? So what's on your fantasy Christmas list this year??

Here comes Santa Claus, Here comes Santa Claus...

I have tried very hard to teach my kids what the true meaning of Christmas is all about. Why we celebrate, why we give to others....but for some reason the season seems to be all about Santa to them. I can't imagine why. The allure of a large jolly man with a bushy white beard and rosy cheeks, wearing a red velvet suit and carrying a huge bag of toys....I can't figure it out. Ahem.

I will be the first to admit that I have spoiled my kids at Christmas every year. We always did Christmas big in my house growing up. So I continued the tradition with my own children. Now before you roll your eyes and scoff at my materialism, let me add a few things. We also have taught our kids to give back, especially at Christmas. We also choose 2 families from the Angel Giving Tree and we go as a family to buy the items that they requested and the kids help wrap them and deliver them. We also make Christmas boxes for foster children. I run a charity for foster children that strives to provide one large box of toys per child for Christmas morning. We do fundraisers and hunt for sponsors through the year to raise enough money to do the boxes. Last year, we provided boxes to more than 1500 children. Each box contains gifts that equal around $100 and we strive to buy the things on the child's wish list. My kids help from the very beginning. They help sort donations, shop for items, pack the boxes and they help me deliver them. This week we dropped off 900 boxes with an additional 500 being delivered by another charity worker today. We always take our outgrown toys to donate to the childrens emergency shelter before Christmas and we always take homemade cookies too. Next week, we'll be taking toys and cookies up to the doctors, nurses, patients and families in the long term care ward of childrens hospital where Boy2 spent most of his first year of life. Point being- my kids know how to give back. They understand that there are people, families and children who are alot less fortunate than them. It's an important lesson that I hope will serve them well throughout their lives.

But all that doesn't stop them from being typical greedy, toy hungry little beggars. No joke. I could put them out on the street corner and probably make enough money to pay my mortgage for a few months. In fact, that's not a half bad idea. Note to self: put kids on street corner with signs.

This year, we're starting a new tradition in our home. Each child will get 3 Santa gifts. They will each get one gift from mom & dad, one from their siblings (as a joint gift, not one from each sibling), one from my sister and one from my parents. We don't count the out-laws anymore, their gifts are horrible and they don't take suggestions very well at all. So that makes 7 presents each. More than enough. Last year, they got around 25 gifts each when you count all Santa gifts, our gifts, my family......excessive! They don't need all that. I don't need the stress of trying to keep it all even and equal.

Last year after the pandemonium of Christmas morning, Big Daddy and I looked around at the chaos and made a vow to do it differently from that moment forward. Christmas should be about family, about traditions, about giving, about celebrating. Not about getting and receiving. Now that is a gift that my children truly need and deserve. I started preparing them awhile back, telling them that Santa was making cut-backs. At first, there was skepticism, then denial, then anger. I had a letter printed and sent to the house "from Santa" explaining that Santa was only giving three presents this year and letting them know some reasons why. That did it, they accepted it with no further discussion. Oh, the power of Santa.

I totaled up what I spent on Christmas presents for the kids last year. I almost died. I did throw up in my mouth a little bit. It was obscene. For 4 children age 8 and under, I spent over $2000 just on toys. Half of those toys are stuffed in a closet or under a bed somewhere. Ridiculous. I finished my Christmas shopping last week and yesterday I added up our total. Here, for your viewing pleasure, is our Christmas list for this year:

Boy1: 3 Santa gifts-Diary of Wimpy kid set of 4 books, Electronic ATM and Bakugan PS2 Game. From us- Kingdom of Hearts DS Game. From siblings- Bakugan Bakusphere. From my sister- Bendaroos. From my parents- Crayola Glow-dome. Total= $153 (our part is $120)

Boy2: 3 Santa gifts- Mickey Mouse Surprise Clubhouse, Disney Cars playmat and play kitchen. From us- Mickey Mouse DVD. From siblings- play food for kitchen. From my sister- Imaginext pirate ship. From my parents- doctors play kit. Total= $120 (our part is $90)

The Girl: 3 Santa gifts- Our Generation doll & outfit, 3 Tag Books, and Disney dress up trunk. From us- Disney dress up shoe set. From siblings- Barbie & Taffy playset. From my sister- Littlest Pet shop art set. From my parents- Littlest pet shop DS Game. Total= $140 (our part is $105)

The Toddler: 3 Santa gifts- Little People animal farm, Sesame Street elmo microwave and Mickey Mouse rockin Bandstand. From us- Little People car carrier. From siblings- Kota mini dinosaur. From my sister- Vtech monkey dumbells. From my parents- fisher price trike. Total= $116 (our part is $81)

So our total for the kids is $396. Big Daddy and I are not exchanging gifts this year at all. I got my mom and the outlaws each a photobook from snapfish dot com when they had their big BOGO free promotion in November. That totaled out to cost $21 each. I made my sister a spa basket that cost me $18 for all the goodies. We got each of Big Daddy's brothers a bottle of their favorite wine. I don't exchange presents with my other sibs, they are too far away to come for Christmas.

All total, our Christmas is costing $486. Approximately one-fifth of what we spent last year on JUST the kids. I feel so much better this year. I shopped the sales this year instead of going early and paying full retail just to avoid the crowds. My budget was $500 and I came in under, that never happens. Really. Just ask Big Daddy. Snort.

So what are your kids getting for Christmas this year? Did you do a smaller Christmas this year?

Our Holiday Card- special edition

Obviously I can't show you guys the real live card because it has our names on it and that would kind of blow the whole keep-our-identity-confidential thing. But I made a holiday card just for you guys, don't you feel special? You should.

I'm joining in on the Christmas Card Carousel 2009 over at Faith's blog Walk with me by Faith

I hope all of you are having a wonderful and joyous Holiday Season.

65 in 365- Month One Update

Geez, has it already been a month since I started my 65 in 365 challenge? That went by fast. I did manage to accomplish and cross off a few things on my list though!

Completed items are marked out.
In process items are bolded.

*Make a memory box for each of the kids
*Create and order photobooks for 2004-2009 1/6
*Walk the loop at least 3x a week (complete after 4 months) 0/4
*Make and stick to weekly cleaning, laundry and menu schedules (complete after 16 wks) 0/16
*Plan a beach vacation
*Paint bathroom and kitchen cabinets 0/3
*Change hardware on bathroom and kitchen cabinets
*Do a Girl's Night Out 4 times 0/4
*Try 20 new recipes 7/20
*Re-stain back deck
*Build gazebo roof over hot tub, screen it in and add flooring
*Purchase new deck furniture and decor
*Read 25 new fiction books 3/25
*Have professional family portrait done
*Lose final 10 pounds
*Purchase new DSLR camera (and learn to use it)
*Finish Playroom Remodel
*Make our wills and set up trusts
*Transfer home movies to DVD
*Organize all digital photos and save to disks to keep in safety deposit box
*Make bed every day (complete after 30 days, will restart every time I miss a day) 4/30
*Stick to a firm household/food budget (complete after 6 months) 0/6
*Make realistic budget for childrens clothing and stick to it (complete after 2 seasons) 0/2
*Have garage sale and take leftovers straight to Goodwill
*Establish family night twice a month (complete after 4 months) 0/4
*Take kids to drive in movie at least twice 0/2
*Go on date night with Big Daddy at least once a month (complete after 4 months) 0/4
*Take The Girl on a spa/salon day
*Find hair stylist and get at least 3 cuts 0/3
*Take kids to the safari zoo
*Get kids baby books up to date 0/4
*Give up caffeinated soda
*Create a Family Command Center somewhere in the house
*Update photos in frames around the house
*Purchase picture canvas for each child for wall
*Register The Girl for Kindergarten
*Host a Superbowl party
*Host Thanksgiving dinner
*Go to an outdoor concert
*Start (or join) a book and wine club
*Remove or replace curtains in Kitchen/Nook
*Get dressed to the shoes every day (complete after 30 days) 0/30
*Organize all closets 1/7
*Organize all recipes into one place
*Take kids to amusement park
*Decorate house for Christmas (inside and out)
*Build a snowman (assuming it snows enough 'round these parts)
*Read 10 non-fiction books 0/10
*Finish redecorating kids bedrooms 1/3
*Use money from garage sale to buy a Wii
*Start a new family Christmas tradition
*Buy each kid a Christmas ornament
*Make Christmas list for kids and stick to it this year
*Volunteer at childrens shelter 6 times 1/6
*Take kids to childrens museum
*Take kids to summer movie camp series
*Organize block party for our street
*Buy new spa towels for master bathroom
*Get kids hair cut 3 times each Boy1-0/3 The Girl 0/3 The Toddler 1/3
*Donate outgrown toys/baby equipment to childrens shelter
*Re-certify to work hotline at hospital
*Schedule Big Daddy's Big V, drug him and drag him to the appointment
*Research alternative schools for Boy2
*Clean out and organize garage
*Make a new list of 65 things

How many of you made your own lists? Leave me a comment so we can all track your progress! Stay tuned for a post about the redecorating of The Girl and The Toddler's rooms. It was a biiiiiiig project but it's finally complete!

The Nester's Christmas Tour of Homes

Oh how I love The Nester. She has taken over the Christmas Tour of Homes from BooMama this year. I cannot wait to see the rest of the participants! My Christmas decor this year is sadly lacking the oomph and sparkle from year's past, mostly thanks to The Toddler and his propensity for getting into mischief. I spend most of my day hunting down stray ornaments and redecorating the tree. He has found some rather unique hiding places this year. Sigh...

I did a whole post on decorating our tree with The Children. You can read all about it HERE. I also just did a whole post about our some of our more sentimental ornaments for the Oh Christmas Tree Tour, hosted by Thrifty Decor Chick, which you can read about HERE.

I have tubs upon tubs of Christmas decor, everything from Garland to antique Santa's to handmade Santa Sleigh's to a complete Christmas Village. I usually spend the Saturday after Thanksgiving hauling out tubs and decorating every inch of our 2 story home. This year, however, I had to scale back. The Toddler is on the loose and wreaking havoc upon my house so I had to pick and choose what pieces of decor to use this season.

This is our tree, well it was our tree last year anyway. This year it doesn't look so hot and there are no brightly wrapped packages underneath yet. I just couldn't bring myself to post a picture of my sad, half undecorated, devoid of pretty packages, tree.

These are the stockings for The Children. I love the chalkboard nameplates and I loved the price even more. I found these after Christmas a few years ago for 90% off. I paid $1.97 per stocking, money well spent! I normally have them hung from brass stocking holders but I could just envision The Toddler pulling one of those heavy holders on top of his head so I had to get creative. I tied the stockings to the banister with satin ribbon. It threw the garland off center a little bit but that's a small price to pay to avoid a concussion.

The garland drapes around the entire banister and is topped off with the large plaid bows that I made myself a few years ago with ribbon that I found on clearance for $1.15 a roll. I usually prefer more full garland for the banister and tend to use double strands to create that look. This year we had a little, ahem, mishap with the garland that was stored in the shed. Did you know that birds will use garland as part of their nest? I do. Now.

Please excuse the halfway blurred picture. It's amazingly difficult to take a picture at night, with no flash and a toddler grabbing the camera yelling "MINE" in your ear.

My mom found these light box presents at Big Lots a few years ago marked down to $5. The kids are amazed by them and they look so pretty at night in a dark room. This year I had to put them up high on top of our playroom armoire to keep The Toddler away from them.

I picked up this Advent calendar for $2.50 at Target this year. I love the little wooden Christmas tree that is attached so it can't get lost. Each day has 3 little M&M's tucked down inside.

The mantle. Sigh. I had so many plans for the mantle this year. But since I was limited on the amount of areas that were safe from The Toddler, I had to scrap my original idea. Instead I found a temporary home for our Santa train. The train had candy canes in one of the cars....sadly, just because it's Toddler Proof does not mean that it is also Pre-Teen Proof. On the left side is my antique Santa that has been passed down to me from my mom who had it passed down to her from her mom. Again, the garland is skimpier than I would like. Blame it on the birds. I'm not sure I like the multi-colored lights but The Toddler will stand still and stare at them for 20 minutes at a time so they're staying. I got to go tinkle by myself this past week for the first time in......almost 2 years!

My Santa train was a fabulous find at a discount craft store. I paid $2.97 for it and it's been a Christmas decor staple for years. I fill it with different candies every year and then I fill it with fudge or cookies for our annual holiday party. It makes a unique centerpiece that always gets compliments.

I love this little house. Believe it or not, it originally was a gift box that I recycled into a Christmas decoration. Cost=Free! I have a little tea light inside and we light it on Christmas Eve- don't worry, it's a battery operated tea light. Cardboard + Fire = Really Bad Idea. We light it before the kids go to bed on Christmas Eve and leave Santa's cookies and milk next to it. Santa turns out the light after he enjoys the cookies.

The kids made these cool little Snowmen last week when Boy2 came for a visit. I found the directions on Journey to Josie and it made a great afternoon art project. I have little tea lights inside them that, when lit, create a gorgeous effect. Of course, to light them one must have matches on hand. Ahem.

This is our Advent truck. It has 24 little drawers to tuck a holiday treat inside. It's a tad delicate for little kids so we don't use it as an Advent calendar yet, hence the Target advent calendar I showed earlier. I wrote 24 things that I am thankful for this holiday season on little pieces of paper and put one in each drawer. I open one each morning to start the day off right.


I'm totally embarrassed to tell you that this is the only picture I have of my village. Sad, isn't it? I should be flogged. And this sad little picture only shows half the village. My mom spent 30 years collecting her village and when she downsized into a smaller home, she passed it on to me. I have lovingly placed every piece in the correct order for the past 4 years but this year, I did not put it up. Too much temptation for little hands. The first couple of years, I had it displayed on top of the cabinets, as you see above. Then for the past two years I have displayed it on my hearth. Hopefully next year it can come out again. I miss it. All the houses and workshops light up and it's simply gorgeous. I cannot believe that I couldn't find another picture. I think there is one on our other laptop but since that laptop has decided to cease functioning, this is the best I can do right now. Next year when I do my display I will have a plethora of pictures to choose from, I pretty pinkie swear!

I hope you enjoyed my Christmas Toddler-Style Tour. Thank you Nester for being such a gracious host. I wiped my feet when I came in, I promise.

If you're here from Kelly's Korner, welcome and feel free to check out all my other posts from Kelly's Show Us Your Life Tour. Merry Christmas.

Oh Christmas Tree Christmas Tour

Sarah from one of most favorite blogs ever, Thrifty Decor Chick, is hosting a Christmas Tree Blog Carnival and I just could not resist joining in. Unfortunately, my Christmas tree is in somewhat of a state of disarray this year thanks to The Toddler, who takes great delight in removing and rearranging ornaments three times a day. By noon the bottom half of the tree is bare and yesterday I caught him eating the tinsel. Sigh....

So I'm using a couple of last year's pictures of the tree. The Toddler was a mere babe last year and had no interest in undecorating my tree. Note the nicely wrapped packages under the tree last year. This year? Not so much. The packages are wrapped and hidden out of the reach of little hands. Sadly, it has been many years since we have had a real live Christmas tree at the Snarky House. Three out of four Snarky kids have seasonal allergies and unfortunately, those allergies include Christmas trees. Oh the sacrifices that a mother must make...

Without the lights and with the flash on....

With the lights on and without a flash....much better! Here are all four of the kids in front of the Christmas Tree last year on Christmas Eve.

I thought I'd show you a few of our favorite ornaments from over the years. I have tubs and tubs of ornaments, some from when I was a child. Last year, I went through all the tubs and separated the ornaments. I pulled out all the ornaments that have real sentimental meaning that I want to use every year on our tree. Then I chose some to pack away in each child's memory box. The rest of them were divided into 3 different tubs to rotate yearly. Yes, I have that many ornaments.

Both of these are pictures of Boy1 when he was little. He was 2 in the Snowman picture and 1 in the chair picture. He is 9 now so it always makes me a little nostalgic when I pull these two ornaments out each year.

The gold family ornament was a gift from Big Daddy to me for our very first Christmas after Boy1 was adopted- it's a mom, dad and baby. I love it. The little teacup was a given to The Girl by my mom. The Girl adores my mom's floral china and my mom found a teacup ornament in the same pattern.

These two little stockings are so perfect for Boy1 and The Girl. They have been involved in a sibling vendetta for the past few months. One says "Dear Santa, leave the gifts, take my sister" and the other says "Dear Santa, leave the gifts, take my brother". My mom gave these to the kids last year, not knowing she was foreshadowing our upcoming year. Ha!

I think this is one of my most favorite ornaments. The year that we finalized Boy1's adoption, Hallmark put out a special addition adoption ornament. I snatched it up immediately and prayed that our adoption would finalize by the end of the year, which it did. The front says "Finding a special child to love..." and the next picture will show the back. The snow globe was a gift from Boy1's birth mother to him. Her final visit after she relinquished her rights to him took place shortly before Christmas. He had just turned a year old and didn't really know who she was. She brought this ornament as a gift for him and asked me to give it to him when he was old enough to understand. It has been on our Christmas tree every year since then. He knows who it is from and what it represents. This is the only gift that his birth mother ever bought for him and despite the rocky relationship that I had with her, we treasure this ornament. For his sake.

Here is the back of our adoption ornament. It says "More than a dream come true...." Sigh....what an understatement.

The Girl's ornament displaying her one year portrait, taken just a month before Christmas.

My peacock ornament. I love peacock's. I think they are beautiful and they represent, for me, the beauty of a mother's heart.


The angel is Boy2's ornament that was given to him by his birth mother for his first Christmas. He does not understand the significance of the ornament and might never understand it. But I do. The snowman was made by Boy1 for The Toddler when I was still pregnant. The Toddler was born in January and this ornament hung on our tree before he was born.

Click HERE to go read The Snarky Family's Adventure in Tree Decorating this year.

I'm also participating in The Nester's Christmas Tour of Homes. Click HERE to read my contribution and HERE to join the party.

Children Learn What They Live

Children Learn What They Live (1998)

by Dorothy Law Nolte (1924 - 2005)

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Excerpted from the book CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

The Hamper

The Clothes Hamper.

Big Daddy has no respect for The Clothes Hamper. None at all. We have had an ongoing battle for most of our marriage about The Clothes Hamper. I'm a "put the clothes all the way in the hamper" kind of a gal. He's a "drape the clothes all over the top of the hamper" kind of a guy. He just cannot seem to grasp the concept of actually putting the clothes inside the hamper. It drives me insane. INSANE, people. I can never tell when the hamper is actually full because he has a pile of clothes stacked and draped all over the hamper.

This morning, I blew my lid. It's been a stressful week and the last straw was when his piles of draped clothing avalanched and spilled all over the floor. I yelled. I shot steam out of my ears. I used naughty words.

Big Daddy just shrugged. He shrugged. At me. Then he said:

What's the big deal? They're on the hamper, same thing as in the hamper.

He must be taught a lesson. On is not the same as In.

So for the next week, when we go to bed and Big Daddy starts trying to get his groove on he will be discovering something very important....

On is most definitely not the same as In.

Ahem.

A Giveaway!

5 bloggers are participating in a giveaway sponsored by HP and BlogHer! And it's a doozy, folks. They are each giving away one HP Touchsmart computer. Click on the links below to get to their blogs and learn how to enter to win!

MckMama is participating. Go HERE to learn all about how to enter to win.

Kelly from Kelly's Korner is also participating. Go HERE to enter on her site as well.

BooMama is participating. Go HERE to enter on her site.

Stephanie from A Year of Slow Cooking is participating. Go HERE to enter on her site.

Nie Nie is also participating! Go HERE to enter on her site.

There Once was a Boy Named Owen Part Four

[Cast of Characters relevant to this part of Owen's story: Satan (Owen's caseworker), The Bitch (supervisor of licensing and placement division at CPS), Wimpy (our licensing worker), The Pawn (Satan's new supervisor), Betty (Owen's useless GAL)]

Read the rest of Owen's Story: Part One, Part Two, Part Three

Shortly after Skye transitioned from our home to another foster home, I started noticing that Satan was more and more involved in the day to day aspects of Owen's care. She was asking questions that she had never asked before, she was questioning our judgement on areas of his medical care that had been in place for months. She went from seeing him once a month to scheduling weekly face to face visits at our home. In short, we were suddenly under a microscope.

Owen had been placed with us for 10 months at this point and his parents had not seen him in over 3 months. I was under the assumption that when we went back to court in a few weeks, the plan would be changed to adoption as there had been no appropriate relatives to take him. When Satan called a Team Meeting a couple of weeks after Skye left, I figured that they were going to work on changing the plan. Well they certainly were working on changing the plan alright, just not in the way I was expecting. First, I was told about the meeting at the very last minute. Satan called me at 3pm and asked me to be at a meeting that started at 4pm. Big Daddy could not get there in time so I went alone. Second, when I showed up there were 9 people on one side of a large rectangular table and then me on the other side. I was amused by this tactic at the time, did they really think I was that new to the system that I would be intimidated by such a set up? Snort. Amateurs.

The whole meeting was a sham. Turns out that the reason Owen had not had a visit in 3 months was because both his parents had relinquished their rights to him 3 months ago. And I was never told. Satan didn't think it was any of my business so she didn't tell me. Everybody else knew and had known for 3 months. The next order of business that they wanted to discuss was transitioning Owen to a relative. What? Satan had found some relative in another state who was interested in taking Owen. Nevermind that she was 76 years old, smoked like a chimney, lived alone in a rural area with no telephone and no indoor plumbing. No, I am not kidding. Satan felt that this woman would be a perfect home for Owen. Oh, and did I mention that she was not even a blood relative? She was the step-mother of Owen's grandfather. Really.

I was furious. I lost my shit. Which in retrospect was exactly what Satan wanted me to do, as evidenced by the smirk on her face that I wanted so desperately to slap off. I demanded to know why we were not being considered for adoption of Owen. Satan informed me that because we were in the process of adopting a special needs child already, they were concerned that we would be overwhelmed. Well where had that misplaced concern been for the previous 10 months that Owen had been placed in our home? Sensing that her explanation was not going to hold water, Satan then brought out the big guns and flat out stated that she had concerns that I was exaggerating the seriousness of Owen's medical needs. Hmmmmm. Is this the same woman who had previously insisted that I was not taking his medical needs seriously enough? If you recall, from Part One of the series, that I took Satan, Betty and Wimpy to a series of doctor's appointments with me so they could hear firsthand about Owen's medical condition and care. So that "reason" didn't really hold any weight either yet it was all that Satan could offer. I argued. I fought. I threatened. The Pawn jumped in and decided that it might be appropriate to find another home for Owen until he could be transitioned to his "perfect relative" placement. Now that made me almost come out of the chair with my hair on fire. I vowed right then and there that I would fight them removing Owen to another foster home with every single breath left in my body for as long as it took. I would involve as many high up contacts as I needed to and I would call in favors from as many people as I could if that's what it took. I am positive that if I had been just another foster parent, Owen would have been gone that day. But because they knew me, they knew my job, they knew the contacts that I had made throughout the state level, I was placated. Oh, no decisions would be made today, they said. Oh, we want the very best for Owen, they said. Bullshit, was what I said. I left the meeting already on the cell phone to our attorney.

Things continued along in an uneasy silence for another few weeks until Satan made her next move. She scheduled an out of town visit with a pediatric neurologist despite the fact that Owen had a fabulous ped neuro only 10 minutes from our home that had been seeing him every month since his birth. The original neuro was concerned about Owen's extremely low tone in his upper body and his hypertonia in his lower body. He had some other concerns as well about possible SMA, mito disorder or Cerebral Palsy. Satan was absolutely 100% convinced that I was putting these thoughts into the neuro's head when in truth, I was the one disputing the possibility of any of these diagnosis'. So one day, Satan showed up at my doorstep, unannounced, with Betty. The two of them told me that they were going to take Owen to a doctor's visit and they'd bring him back later that day. I was immediately alarmed because neither one of them were certified to care for a Level 3 medical placement by themselves. I told Satan that she would need to reschedule the appointment for a later time when I was available to go with Owen and she refused. Betty blocked my way to the door while Satan grabbed Owen's carseat and they left with me yelling at them and scrambling after them to get Owen. They did not take his formula, his thickener, his o2, his apnea monitor, his pulse ox meter....nothing. I was frantically making phone calls to Wimpy, to The Pawn and to our pediatrician.

They brought him back over 6 hours later and dropped him off without a single word. I knew immediately just by the smug smirk on Satan's face that things had just gotten worse for us. I just didn't know how far that bitch would go to make our lives hell. It didn't take long to find out.

To be continued...

[I'm sorry for the delay in posting the other parts of the story. Because of how this case ended and the gag order imposed by a judge, I'm having to be careful in the telling of Owen's story. All the parts must be proof-read by my attorney so I can edit anything out that would violate the gag order.]

Dear Snotty Bitch at Target,

You should consider yourself very fortunate that I was tired yesterday or I swear I would have slit your throat with one of your own 4 inch fingernails. I was not trying to incite a riot when I made the simple comment about my child being in love with the Backyardigans. It was a simple funny anecdote shared with another mother. I did not need your lecture on how harmful television is for small children and how your child spends her day doing art projects. I was not being confrontational when I asked what type of art projects you do with your child, I was honestly curious. Therefore, snapping back at me that she does them with her nanny because you are college educated and obviously have a career was a slight overreaction on your part. Well guess what bitch? I'm college educated too. I have 2 undergraduate degrees with dual minors and a masters degree. So step off before I jump up and down on your judgemental ass with my 4 inch high heel boots. Moving on.

But when you made the remark that my parents must be so proud that I have a post-graduate degree and I stay home watching cartoons all day...well that just crossed the line. I understand that you don't know me, which is precisely the reason that you should be more careful who you spout your venom to in the future. I will cut you, bitch.

The highlight of our conversation had to be when your daughter complained that you were buying the wrong cereal, that her nanny always buys the kind that she likes. Yes I sure did laugh and no I did not even try to disguise it with a cough. Just case you missed my parting shot, let me say again for you.

At least I know what kind of damn cereal that my own kid likes. You must be so proud of your motherhood skills.

Snap.

Next time, watch who you want to start a war with. I stay home with my kids every single day of every single week of every single month. My bitchiness has no boundaries. For Real.

Sincerely,

The bitchiest stay home mom that you will ever meet in your lifetime

The Useless Pursuit of Perfection

Nobody is perfect. No family is perfect. So why the pressure to snap the perfect family picture in order to produce the perfect family letter to send out to friends and family for Christmas? Why do we continue to do this to ourselves year after year? I've made it abundantly clear how I feel about the fake Christmas letters. I scoff, I snicker, I roll my eyes. And yet, what do you think I was doing on Thanksgiving? Trying desperately to corral The Children into one area so I could attempt to get just one good picture for our Christmas card. Just one picture, that's all I wanted. Sigh.....if only it were that easy.

The picture had to be taken on Thanksgiving because my parents were here with Boy2. There is a very short window of time in which you can get a decent picture of 4 children. And by short window of time I mean less than 60 seconds. After all the dishes were done and the leftovers packed away, we (and by we, I mean I) changed all 4 kids into the outfits that I had picked out for the picture and spent 10 minutes chasing The Girl around with a hairbrush to fix her ponytails. Finally, we were ready. Of course, everyone wanted to watch so 12 adults tried to cram themselves into a very small space. Sigh...

Holy Shit. It's the perfect picture. And on the first try! SNAP! They're mostly looking at the camera, they're smiling...wait....one, two, three....DAMN. We're missing one. @*$! Where's The Toddler?

Aaaaand, that's more like it. Sigh....Behold our series of outakes:

Sit still, damn it! The next one of you who shakes like a dog is going to get it! Boy1, put your hand down, this isn't a Rock Concert.

Hello? Stop looking at your aunt, uncle, dog....whoever the hell you're looking at. Look at the CAMERA.

Girl?! The Camera. Over here.......

Get your finger out of your nose. What are you doing? Digging for Gold?

Don't look at me that way, nobody wants a picture of you with your finger shoved up your nose!

I just don't even know what to say about that one....I'm at a loss...

Crap on a cracker, do these kids speak English?

Why? Just why?

This is about the point that I forced all the spectators out of the room and resorted to bribery with money.

Money worked for the big kids, not The Toddler....

And now the dog has been banished too...This was the only picture out of about 100 that The Toddler was actually sporting a true smile and NONE of them are looking at the camera. Sigh...

That's it. Good enough. I'm done. The Big Kids made a buck each and The Toddler was bribed with a chocolate chip cookie which I held up over my head while shouting "Here, cookie. Lookie, here's a cookie...." and Mama swigged half a bottle of wine in one gulp and no, I didn't use a glass.

Don't judge me.