50 things about Lil Ole Me

I haven't done one of these in for-evah! So here you go. I'm way too lazy to tag anyone so feel free to copy and paste to your own blog. But change the answers. Trust me, nobody wants to be me.

1. What do you add to your coffee? Flavored creamer- Peppermint Mocha is my favorite

2. What are you reading now? Jodi Picoult- Plain Truth

3. Do you own a gun? Yes

4. Are you registered to vote? Yes

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Just the dentist

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Yummy on the grill if you don't think about what's in them

7. Favorite Christmas Song? O Holy Night

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee

9. Can you do push ups? Yep. I used to be able to do 3 sets of one handed push ups. The good ole days

10. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Jason

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding set

12. Favorite hobby? Reading and blogging

13. Do you work with people who idolize you? HA! I stay home with my kids who definitely do not idolize me

14. Do you have ADD? No

15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? I can be slightly judgemental...but just slightly

16. What’s your Middle name? Wouldn't you like to know?

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I'm hungry. I have to pee. What is that damn dog chewing on?

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Cupcakes, Birthday card, Wine.

19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink. Coffee, Sweet Tea and Cranberry Splash Sierra Mist.

20. Current worry right now? My whole family vs. My inlaws on Thanksgiving.

21. What size do you dress to? Huh? My own size, which happens to be a size 6 for the first time in over 2 damn long years thankyouverymuch.

22. Favorite place to be? Home or the beach

23. How did you bring in the New Year? drinking at home with Big Daddy cause we're too cheap to pay those prices for a babysitter!

24. Where would you like to go? Hawaii

25. Name three people who will complete this. Don't know since I'm too lazy to send it on.

26. Whose answers do you want to read the most? Anyone with the time to answer it.

27. What color shirt are you wearing? Purple

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No. Last time I slid right off the side of the bed and woke up on the floor.

29. Can you whistle? yes

30. Favorite colors(s)? Red and Pink

31. Could you be a pirate? Hell yeah, especially if one of them looked like Orlando Bloom

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I'm usually yelling at kids to leave me alone

33. Favorite girls name? What I named my daughter. But I also like Amelia and Annika.

34. Favorite boy’s name? What I named my sons. But I also like Hollis and Campbell.

35. What’s in your pocket right now? Three of The Toddler's toy cars.

36. Last thing that made you laugh? The Toddler throwing corn at the dog at dinner.

37. Best bed sheets as a child? Rainbow Brite.

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I shattered my kneecap in a car accident as a teen. I broke 2 ribs, broke my cheekbone and got a Grade 2 concussion in a soccer game my senior year.

39. Do you love where you live? Yes.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4- one in the family room, one in the playroom, one in the master bedroom and one in the master bathroom.

41. Who is your loudest friend? I think I am the loudest friend.

42. How many dogs do you have? one.

43. Does anyone have a crush on you? Does the cashier at the ABC store count?

44. What are the most fun things you ever did? I was drunk, I don't remember any of them. But the pictures exist....somewhere.

45. What are your favorite books? J.D. Robb's In Death series, Janet Evanovich's Plum series, Jeaniene Frost's Bones & Cat series, Christine Feehan's Carpathian's series....I have so many.

46. What is your favorite candy? Jelly Belly jelly beans.

47. Favorite Team? What sport? I have specific favorites but they give away where I live.

48. What songs do you want played at your funeral? "Time of my Life"

49. What were you doing at 12 AM? Sleeping.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Geez. Not Monday again!


Show us your life: Pets

Today is Show us your life: pets at Kelly's Korner. We have one puppy. A 9 month old Boston Terrier named Bailey. He's a disaster. He is so good with the kids, he's so loving and playful, he's fully trained and a great dog. Except for one little problem. He eats things. Things that should not be eaten.

The wooden train tracks. Legos. Crayons. Pencils. The remote. My key fob. Shoes. Ballet slippers. Cat slippers. Stuffed animals. Books.

See the problem? Although I must say that the rainbow color poo was an interesting development on our early morning walk the day after he ate the box of crayons.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of our pup.

The first day we brought him home:

His super cute Rebel shirt that in retrospect may have formed his personality a little too well:


Oh the shame of being stuck halfway through a baby gate for the hundredth time:

Baby Love:


I love his Gizmo ears and coincidentally, we can't feed him after midnight either:


Frenchin' the baby while Boy1 looks on in horror:

The Baby didn't seem to mind too much:

Poor Bailey in his Halloween shark costume. He chewed off one of the fins within an hour:



We used to have 2 gorgeous cats, named Scout and Sylvester. They were beautiful. We rescued Scout from the middle of a highway when he was a few months old and we rescued Sylvester from the dumpster outside our first apartment. He was a newborn, we had to feed him with an eye dropper round the clock for over a month. They had to go live with my parents when we found out that Boy1 and The Girl were highly allergic to cats. I cried for days and then last year, they both got very sick and died within weeks of each other. I was heartbroken. I don't have a picture on this computer of both of them. This picture is of Scout with Boy2 a couple of years ago.



R.I.P Scout and Sylvester.

Black Friday Shopping

How many of you are participating in the insanity that is Black Friday shopping this year? I normally don't go, I haven't been in a couple of years. Let's just be real here folks, sticking me in a 3 hour line with pushing and shoving morons is a recipe for homicide. We all know it so let's just put it out there. But this year we are seriously cash strapped. The kids will not be getting the amount of toys that are used to getting, we've implemented a 3 toys per child from Santa policy this year. I expect rebellion and I'm okay with that. I'm guilty of raising spoiled children up until now and that stops this year. They get toys all damn year long, they get presents from our families....it's just too much. We're starting a new tradition this year to teach the kids that it is far better to give than it is to receive. I usually clean out the playroom of unused and outgrown toys before Christmas and take them to Goodwill, just to make room for new toys on Christmas morning. This year we will be asking the kids to pick out 3 toys each that they would like to donate to the children's shelter and they will be coming with me to make the donation.

Back to my original thought.

I made a Christmas list this year for each child that included the 3 toys from Santa and then one gift that will be from Big Daddy and myself. Plus I usually pick up the gifts from my parents and my sister and they pay me later. I shopped around, checked the sales and have been patiently waiting to finish my shopping this year. My original list ended up being less than $100 per child, which in this house is damn amazing considering the amount we spent on Christmas last year. I was pretty proud of myself. Then I saw the black friday ads for Toys r Us, Target and Walmart. Sigh....there are more than a few items from my list that will be on big time sale for Black Friday. So I will be dragging my very cranky, caffeine deprived self out of the house at 3am on black friday with the rest of the population. I'm going with my 2 besties so I figure there are a couple of ways this will play out. We might go, have a fabulous time drinking Starbucks coffee and giggling like schoolgirls at the state of the people we end up in line behind. Or....we could possibly end up in jail waiting for poor Big Daddy to bail us out.

Really, it's a toss up.

I've never had great luck on Black Friday. One year a lady tried to steal my cart full of hot toys at Walmart. I was very pregnant and damned if I didn't haul ass after that cart stealing bitch to get my toys back. She ran away. Smart woman. Another year, I had a man in toys r us try to shove me out of his way to grab the last one of something on sale. I beat him over the head with my large purse and Big Daddy had to step in to keep from being murdered by that WWE reject. Another year, the stuff that was supposed to be on sale at Target was ringing up at full price and the cashier had on a lovely tag that read "New member of the Target team". I bet you can guess how well that little episode turned out. I'm pretty sure her first day was also her last day of work.

So I don't have the best track record on Black Friday. But at least it will get me away from the out-laws who are coming to spend the weekend again. Wish me luck. If you don't hear from me next weekend, send bail money.

The Girl turns 5

[Warning: This post will contain graphic descriptions of childbirth. If you are squeamish or a man, you might want to come back tomorrow]

Today at 12:44pm my baby girl turns 5. It feels like it went by in the blink of an eye. I remember people saying that to me and I would nod, smile and roll my eyes. When you're in the middle of colic, sleepless nights, and baby poop- you just don't want to hear about how you should stop, slow down and enjoy every moment. You're simply trying to just survive. But people are right. It just goes by so fast.

I've not told The Girl's birth story on my blog yet and I want to preserve it now while I still remember it well so I can tell her later. It seems like yesterday, I remember every detail of that day. Of course, it's also the day that I almost lost my life so it stands to reason that I would remember every detail. An event like that tends to stick in your memory for awhile.

I was just about 35 weeks pregnant, there were some differences in opinions about the actual due date. I woke up on Tuesday the 16th of November around 2am-ish with some serious contractions. I'd been in preterm labor since week 28 so contractions were nothing new by this point. I was dilated to 3 cm and 80% effaced by 35 weeks so we were just desperately trying to hang on to make it to 37 weeks. I changed positions, tried to prop my poor wrists up on a pillow to relieve the pain of the Carpal tunnel syndrome that had become my nemesis in the previous few weeks. I managed a few more hours of sleep before getting up for good shortly before 6am. The minute I stood up I thought I'd peed my pants but when the trickle kept going I figured I'd better call the OB. They worked me in right away and my mom came over to keep the boys, who were 2 and 4 years old. I just didn't feel right. I couldn't explain it then and I can't explain it now, but something was just not right. The OB hooked me up to the Non-stress test and monitored the baby for awhile and while she showed no signs of distress she also was not showing a lot of reactivity. So off for a ultrasound we went. Her fluid level was super low so they confirmed that I did indeed have a high slow leak in my amniotic sac and I was dilated to almost 5cm. I tried to tell the OB resident that I didn't feel right but she brushed me off and sent me on to L&D to have the baby. Her fluid was too low to make it to 37 weeks, they were afraid of a cord accident.

I was settled in my room around noon-ish and we just waited. I was contracting well but my pain was only about a 5 on the scale so after a few hours they started pitocin. Still not moving along so a couple of hours later the resident checked to see if I had another bag of waters, and I did so she broke that. Immediately, the pain went from a 5 to a 7. I was begging for an epidural but the anesthesiologist was running ragged, there were more than 14 women in L&D and every one of us was needing an epidural. She was the only anesthesiologist working L&D that day, talk about poor planning on the part of the hospital. Never withhold pain meds from a pregnant homicidal hormonal woman. It's suicide.

The nurse gave me a shot of stadol, which instead of making the pain more bearable it just made me puke. Good times, good times. Do you know how long that shit takes to get out of your system? Too damn long. Puking and contracting is not fun. Stadol is the devil. Around 4am, I finally got my epidural. I almost kissed the anesthesiologist, which in retrospect was probably a bad idea considering I'd been in labor for over 24 hours, had horrible puke breath and the anesthesiologist was a she with a wedding ring. Minor details. I kept waiting for the epidural to kick in and the pain to go away. Never happened. The pain didn't even dull, it was worse than ever. I was still only 5cm dilated and around 9am, I started hearing whispers of a possible c-section. I was ready to go right that second but I had to wait for the anesthesiologist to come back and redo the epidural again. I should have known that there were going to be issues when the anesthesiologist showed up looking like a 12 year old. Turns out he was a first year resident and he was going to watch the attending put in my epidural. I know they have to learn, great, no problem. However, the attending took for-freakin-ever to place my epidural because he explained every.single.thing while he did it. I was contracting constantly thanks to the damn Pitocin and the position he had me lying in on my side made each contraction feel like knives were stabbing at my back every 2 minutes. Finally, after 35 minutes, I had blessed relief but still only 5cm dilated. I sucked down some green jello and watched with outrage and jealousy while Big Daddy and my sister noshed on some yummy sushi. Bastards.

They were half way through their yummy sushi when I felt weird. I was shaking and dizzy and had the most horrible pressure in the world. At first I thought it was just the hospital green jello but the nurse checked me and I was a 10. I went from 5 to 10 cm dilated in less than 15 minutes. I took great delight in watching Big Daddy and my sister throw out the rest of their yummy sushi. I pushed. And pushed. And pushed. I'd only had my epidural for less than an hour so I had no sensation to push. It took me an hour and 15 minutes to push her out. In true Diva fashion, The Girl came out with her arm thrown dramatically across her eyes causing her elbow to do some serious damage on her way out. I hope you read my warning about graphic content because this is where it gets graphic. Last chance to run away and get your tubes tied.

The Girl's elbow nicked through an artery in my Hoo-Hah on the way out and then just to make a statement, it also gave me a third degree tear as a parting gift. Nice. I knew immediately that something was wrong. When you have one nurse, one resident and one baby nurse in the room for your delivery and then all of a sudden there are 3 nurses, 3 residents, 2 attendings and the baby nurse....well that's not a good sign. The first year resident that delivered me was shoved out of the way so fast that I'm surprised her ass didn't leave skid marks on the floor. The attendings were moving so fast that I wasn't sure what was happening at first. One had their hand shoved all the way up my Hoo-Hah and I remember wondering why the one with the biggest damn hands had to be the one with the arm shoved up my Hoo-Hah. As though she hadn't had enough trauma for one day. I remember pain while the were stitching me up, someone had turned off the epidural a bit too soon. I don't remember anything else because I passed out. Big Daddy filled me in though. Apparently, I hemorrhaged. Badly. I lost almost half my total blood volume in less than 5 minutes. They were stitching the tear in my artery, which accounted for part of the blood loss, when my uterus decided to act up and contribute to the hemorrhage. I woke up feeling like death. I was so weak that I could not even lift my arm. I was in ICU and I couldn't hold my baby without help. I couldn't breastfeed. It was a horrible feeling. I spent the night receiving blood transfusions and meds to make sure my uterus stayed clamped down.

The next morning I was feeling a bit better so they transferred me from ICU to the Mother & Baby unit. The very first thing that the postpartum nurse did was have me get up to go pee so they wouldn't have to cath me again. Bad idea. Really bad idea. I knew when I got halfway to the bathroom that I was going down. I got the ringing in my ears, the tunnel vision and the tingling in my arms and legs. Luckily, I was almost to the toilet so I passed out and landed right on the toilet. My sister was there to capture this fine moment with the camera for all eternity. When the nurse finally revived me and got help, I was hemorrhaging again. They took me straight to the OR and preformed a D&E. They found a piece of the placenta still inside, which caused the hemorrhage. I received more blood transfusions to try and replenish what I lost.

Several days later, I was discharged home with my baby girl. Not even 24 hours later, I was back with a DVT blood clot in my leg. One of my calves swelled up to twice it's normal size and thankfully the radiologist found the clot in plenty of time to dissolve it with blood thinners. I spent another 36 hours in the hospital before leaving. During that admission, I had a chance to talk to my L&D nurse. She told me just how close I came to dying. I asked. I needed to know just how bad it had been. She told me that in her almost 15 years of working in L&D, she had never seen someone lose as much blood as quickly as I did and live. That was sobering. I almost left Big Daddy alone with 3 kids including a special needs son and a newborn daughter. We decided shortly after that conversation that we would not be having anymore children. Of course, God had other plans and now we can't imagine life without The Toddler.

We did find out later on that there were several reasons that led to the traumatic birth. My bloodwork showed a virus, which probably accounted for why I felt off the morning before she was born. I also was allowed to labor for over 34 hours if you count the hours at home in early labor. And my water had been ruptured for most of those 34 hours. The amount of pitocin that the gave me over the course of my labor was another factor.

This is my favorite picture of The Girl from her birth. She's holding Big Daddy's finger.




Here she is, looking undeniably Asian, at one week.

And here she is now, a big girl all grown up.




My beautiful 5 year old. Sigh....

65 in 365

I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Just call me a sheeple. Melanie started it with her 101 things in 1001 days. I was intrigued but I don't have that kind of stamina. Then I saw that some others had narrowed it down to 65 in 365 and figured that I could handle that. Yeah. We'll see.

I have a running list of things that I want to do in the next year. I've had the same damn list for the past 3 years. See the problem? I need some accountability here people.

So here is my list of 65 things that I want to do or accomplish in the next 365 days. From November 15th 2009 to November 14th 2010. Some of them are actual tasks that I need to complete, some are habits that I want to create and some are life changes. I'll be making a button for it and adding it to my sidebar.....sometime.

*Make a memory box for each of the kids
*Create and order photobooks for 2004-2009
*Walk the loop at least 3x a week (complete after 4 months) 0/4
*Make and stick to weekly cleaning, laundry and menu schedules (complete after 16 wks) 0/16
*Plan a beach vacation
*Paint bathroom and kitchen cabinets black 0/3
*Change hardware on bathroom and kitchen cabinets
*Do a Girl's Night Out 4 times 0/4
*Try 20 new recipes 0/20
*Re-stain back deck
*Build gazebo roof over hot tub, screen it in and add flooring
*Purchase new deck furniture and decor
*Read 25 new fiction books 0/25
*Have professional family portrait done
*Lose final 10 pounds
*Purchase new DSLR camera (and learn to use it)
*Go to dentist (requires overcoming HUGE phobia)
*Make our wills and set up trusts
*Transfer home movies to DVD
*Organize all digital photos and save to disks to keep in safety deposit box
*Make bed every day (complete after 30 days, will restart every time I miss a day) 0/30
*Stick to a firm household/food budget (complete after 6 months) 0/6
*Make realistic budget for childrens clothing and stick to it (complete after 2 seasons) 0/2
*Have garage sale and take leftovers straight to Goodwill
*Establish family night twice a month (complete after 4 months) 0/4
*Take kids to drive in movie at least twice 0/2
*Go on date night with Big Daddy at least once a month (complete after 4 months) 0/4*Take The Girl on a spa/salon day
*Find hair stylist and get at least 3 cuts 0/3
*Take kids to the safari zoo
*Get kids baby books up to date 0/4
*Give up caffeinated soda
*Go to the circus
*Update photos in frames around the house
*Purchase picture canvas for each child for staircase wall
*Register The Girl for Kindergarten
*Host a Superbowl party
*Host Thanksgiving dinner
*Go to an outdoor concert
*Start (or join) a book and wine club
*Start (or join) a babysitting co-op
*Get dressed to the shoes every day
*Organize all closets 0/7
*Organize all recipes into one place
*Take kids to amusement park
*Decorate house for Christmas (inside and out)
*Build a snowman (assuming it snows enough 'round these parts)
*Read 10 non-fiction books 0/10
*Finish redecorating kids bedrooms 0/3
*Use money from garage sale to buy a Wii
*Start a new family Christmas tradition
*Buy each kid a Christmas ornament
*Make Christmas list for kids and stick to it this year
*Volunteer at childrens shelter 6 times 0/6
*Take kids to childrens museum
*Take kids to summer movie camp series
*Organize block party for our street
*Buy new spa towels for master bathroom
*Get kids hair cut 3 times each 0/3
*Donate outgrown toys/baby equipment to childrens shelter
*Re-certify to work hotline at hospital
*Schedule Big Daddy's Big V, drug him and drag him to the appointment
*Research alternative schools for Boy2
*Clean out and organize garage
*Make a new list of 65 things

Stellan's Miracle

Most of you follow MckMama and have read about the miracle of Stellan's healing this week. I know there is a lot of controversy about MckMama out in the blogging world but it doesn't change the fact that a very ill little boy was healed this week.

Today, only until noon frozen tundra time, MckMama and Prince Charming are going to donate one dollar to charity for every comment left on the post entitled Miracle. They will be splitting the donation between Sufficient Grace, String of Pearls and the Liz Logelin Foundation. All three are amazing programs that support families who experience great loss and I hope none of you ever need them.

So please, go HERE to MckMama's post and leave a comment. Do it now for all the children and families who do not get their miracle.

Angel Wings

Beautiful Gavin received his angel wings last night at 10:43, snuggled between his mom and dad according to his mom's twitter page. Thank you for praying for him and for his family. Please continue to do so as they deal with their grief.

Inspiring

Do you ever read the story of a family who is so inspiring that you simply do not have the words to express your emotions?

Gavin Owens

This incredible, beautiful little boy. What he has overcome in his short life. The gorgeous smile on his face through it all. He's amazing. Amazing.

I cannot even begin to describe the admiration that I feel for his parents. I cannot imagine their pain, their heartache over the past 3 years. The dedication to giving their son as full a life as he could have is just inspiring.

Please offer a prayer for little Gavin as he will be making the journey to Heaven soon. Please offer a prayer for his parents and his sister, Madison, as they will grieve a tremendous loss. And please pray that they will find comfort and peace.

Inspiring.

Heartbroken.

Show us how you live Friday: Thanksgiving Recipes

I have been so excited for this week at Kelly's Korner! Over the years we have perfected our Thanksgiving menu but new recipes to try are always a fun change. Big Daddy and I host Thanksgiving every year- for a couple of reasons. The biggest reason is because we have the most kids and therefore the most difficulty making out of town trips. The second reason is that we are smack dab in the middle of both of our parents. Mine are 2 hours away to the west and his are 2 hours away to the east. Normally we also have my sister, her gay boy bestie who is seriously the funniest person I have ever met in my life, Big Daddy's two brothers and their significant others and a random person or two that didn't have anywhere to go. This year we'll be joined by one of Big Daddy's co-workers who is new in town with nowhere to go for the holidays and an elderly neighbor who is medically unable to travel to see her family this year. It's a big crowd and we make tons of food. My sister, my mom and I split the cooking duties every year and the Mother-out-law usually brings a few things that have nothing to do with Thanksgiving. Sigh...

I always make a few starters to keep the masses happy while we cook the main meal. This year for the appetizers I am making:

Cranberry-Pineapple Minis
1 can (20oz) crushed pineapple, in juice
2 pkg (3oz each) raspberry flavor jello
1 can (16oz) whole berry cranberry sauce
2/3 cups walnut pieces
1 apple, chopped
Drain pineapple, reserving juice. Add enough water to juice to measure 2 ½ cups; pour into saucepan. Bring to a boil. Pour over gelatin mixes in large bowl. Stir 2 minutes until completely dissolved. Stir in pineapple, cranberry sauce, walnuts and apple. Spoon into 24 paper lined muffin cups. Refrigerate 2 ½ hours or until firm. Remove liners. Makes 24 servings.

Pumpkin Crescent Rolls
8 oz cream cheese, softened
15 oz can pumpkin
1 can sweetened condensed milk
2 T flour
2 T cinnamon
1 t pumpkin pie spice
8 pkgs refrigerated crescent rolls
½ cup sugar
Preheat oven to 375. In mixer bowl, blend cream cheese, pumpkin, sweetened condensed milk, flour and spices until combined and smooth. Unroll crescent rolls, separate and lay flat. Evenly spread 1 ½ T of pumpkin mix over dough. Roll into crescent shape and sprinkle top with sugar. Bake 11-13 minutes until golden brown.

Triple Cheese Stuffed Mushrooms
48 med. White mushrooms (about 2 lbs)
1 pkg (10oz) frozen chopped spinach, thawed
4 oz feta cheese, crumbled
2 oz cream cheese, softened
½ cup finely chopped green onions
½ cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
Salt
Using damp paper towels, wipe mushroom caps clean; remove and discard stems. In colander, squeeze liquid out of spinach until dry. In large bowl, mix spinach, feta, cream cheese, green onions and ¼ tsp salt until well combined. Fill each mushroom with heaping teaspoon spinach mixture; top with Parmesan. Transfer to 15 x 10 jelly roll pan; bake at 350 for 20 minutes or until mushrooms are tender and filling is golden brown.

Sweet and Spicy Meatballs
1 can Rotel, untrained
1 jar (9oz) strawberry seedless jam
1 bag (16oz) frozen meatballs
Blend untrained tomatoes and jam in medium sauce pan; heat over medium heat until bubbling. Add meatballs; heat additional 10 minutes or until heated through. Place on serving platter.

Buffalo Chicken Dip
2 cans (10oz) Hormel chunk breast of chicken, drained
2 pkg (8oz) cream cheese
1 c ranch dressing
¼ cup pepper sauce
1 ½ cup cheddar cheese
Place cream cheese in shallow casserole. Microwave on 50% power until cheese is softened, 2-3 minutes. Stir in drained chicken, ranch dressing, pepper sauce and 1 cup cheese. Sprinkle top with remaining cheese. Microwave on 100% power 2-4 minutes, until hot and bubbly. Serve with crackers, tortilla chips or celery sticks.

For the main course, we try to split the meal according to the distance they have to travel to my house. I do the bulk of the side dishes but several of my dishes can be made a day ahead and heated up on turkey day. My mom does the ham and my sister does the turkey because I do all the appetizers. My mom also does the mashed potatoes, the deviled eggs, the biscuits/rolls, and the pumpkin pie. My sister does the stuffing, the collard greens and the fruit salad.

These are my recipes for my contributions to the main course:

Corn Pudding
1 can cream corn
1 can whole kernal corn
2 eggs
8oz sour cream
1 stick margarine
1 pkg cornbread mix
1 ½ cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese
Melt butter in casserole dish. Add cream style and whole kernal corn. Add cornbread mix and sour cream. Beat 2 eggs with fork in bowl and add to mix. Stir well. Top with cheese. Bake at 350 for 1 hour, uncovered.

Green Bean Casserole
1 can cream of mushroom soup
½ cup milk
1 t soy sauce
Dash pepper
4 cups cooked, cut green beans
1 1/3 cup French’s French Fried Onions
Mix soup, milk, soy sauce, pepper, beans and 2/3 cup onions in casserole dish. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes. Stir. Sprinkle with remaining onions. Bake 5 minutes.

Sweet Potato Casserole
3 cups cooked sweet potatoes, mashed
½ cup sugar
1 stick butter + 3T
1 T vanilla
2 eggs
½ cup milk
¾ cup pecans, coarsely chopped
1/3 cup all purpose flour
1/3 cup packed light brown sugar
½ t ground cinnamon
Melt stick of butter in casserole dish. Mix cooked sweet potatoes, sugar, vanilla, eggs and milk together until well combined. Pour evenly into casserole dish. In small bowl, combine pecans, flour, brown sugar and cinnamon. Add remaining 3T butter and rub in with fingers until mixture is evenly moistened and forms clumps. Sprinkle over sweet potato mixture. Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes or until topping is browned.

Homemade Cranberry Sauce
2 cups water
2 cups sugar
2 (12oz) packages fresh cranberries
Bring water and sugar to boil in saucepan. Add cranberries and return to boil. Reduce heat and boil gently for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Pour sauce into bowl; cover and cool.

Honey Orange Carrots
16 oz pkg peeled baby carrots
1 ½ cups orange juice
2 T honey
1 T butter
¼ t salt
Combine all ingredients in med saucepan. Bring to boil over high heat. Reduce heat to maintain gentle boil. Cook, stirring occasionally until carrots are tender and liquid has reduced to a glaze, about 20 minutes.

My favorite part of the meal, by far, is dessert. My thighs don't lie people, I love my dessert. My mom makes a killer pumpkin pie from scratch but I don't have the recipe handy. We make a lot of desserts. A lot. And we never have leftovers, the vultures clean us out. I swear to you, I saw my brother in law go back for a fourth peice of pie last year.

Pecan Cheesecake Pie
½ (15oz) refrigerated pie crust
8 oz cream cheese, softened
4 large eggs, divided
¾ cup sugar, divided
2 t vanilla, divided
¼ t salt
1 ¼ cups chopped pecans
1 cup light corn syrup
Fit piecrust into 9” pie plate according to package directions. Fold edges under and crimp. Beat cream cheese, 1 egg, ½ cup sugar, 1 t vanilla and salt at medium speed until smooth. Pour cream cheese mix into piecrust, sprinkle evenly with pecans. Whisk together corn syrup, 3 eggs, ¼ cup sugar and 1 t vanilla. Pour over pecans. Place pie on baking sheet. Bake at 350 on lowest oven rack for 50-55 minutes or until pie is set. Cool 1 hour.

Steamed Pumpkin Pudding
1 T softened butter
15 oz can pumpkin purree
2 2/3 cup buttermilk
1 ¾ cups packed light brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 ½ cups flour
5 T melted unsalted butter
1 T pumpkin pie spice
1 ½ t each baking powder and baking soda
1 t salt
Heat oven to 400. Grease shallow dish with softened butter. In large bowl, whisk pumpkin puree, buttermilk, brown sugar, 4 large eggs, flour, unsalted butter, pumpkin pie spice, baking powder, baking soda and salt until well blended and smooth. Pour into prepared dish. Bake 45 minutes or until puffed. Let cool until warm. Spoon into dessert bowls and top with scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Creamy 2 step Cheesecake
1 pkg cream cheese, softened
1/3 cup sugar
8 oz cool whip, thawed
1 crust
In large mixing bowl, beat cream cheese on med speed until fluffy. Add sugar. Beat until well combined. Fold in whipped topping. Spread in crust. Refrigerate 2 hours. Top with canned cherry pie filling.

Dark Rum Pecan Pie
1 cup sugar
3 T butter, melted
2 cups pecan halves
3 large eggs, beaten
½ cup dark corn syrup
2 t dark rum
1 pie shell ( I use Pillsbury refrigerated pie crusts)
Mix sugar and butter until well combined. Add pecans, eggs, corn syrup, and rum; stir until combined. Pour mixture into pie shell. Bake at 375 for 10 minutes. Reduce temp to 350 and bake 35-40 minutes longer or until filling is set around edge but center jiggles slightly. Cool completely.

Sweet Potato Pie
2 cups mashed fresh or canned sweet potatoes
4 oz cream cheese, softened
1 cup sugar
¼ cup half and half
4 T butter, melted
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
1 t vanilla extract
½ t ground cinnamon
1 refrigerated pie crust (I use Pillsbury in the red box)
In bowl, with mixer on medium speed, beat sweet potatoes and cream cheese until smooth. Add sugar and half and half; beat 5 minutes or until sugar dissolves. Add butter, eggs, vanilla and cinnamon; beat until blended. Pour mixture into pie shell. Bake at 350 for 1 hour or until filling is puffed and set around edges but center jiggles slightly.

That pretty much sums up our Thanksgiving day feast. For Christmas, we are much more low-key. Typically, my out-laws do not come for Christmas Day. My parents and my sister usually join us around mid-morning. A few years ago we decided that we did not want to do the traditional formal Christmas Day meal. Instead we began our own tradition of doing a Christmas brunch. My sister and I do all the cooking, it's a day for my parents (especially my mom) to just sit back, relax and enjoy her grandkids. We have 4 dishes that we make for Christmas brunch every year and they are so yummy.

Breakfast Bake
2 pkgs (16oz each) pork sausage
3 cups frozen hash brown potatoes
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup original bisquick mix
2 cups milk
¼ t pepper
4 eggs
Heat oven to 400. Grease casserole dish. Cook sausage in skillet until no longer pink; drain. Stir together sausage, potatoes and 1 ½ cup cheese in baking dish. Stir bisquick mix, milk, pepper and eggs until blended. Pour into baking dish and stir. Bake uncovered 40-45 minutes. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Bake 1-2 minutes until cheese melts.

Baked French Toast Casserole
1 loaf French Bread, cut into 1” slices
8 eggs
2 cups milk
1 ½ cup half and half
2 t vanilla
¼ t cinnamon
¾ c butter
1 1/3 cup brown sugar
3 T light corn syrup
Butter a 9x13 baking dish. Arrange bread in bottom. In large bowl, beat together eggs, milk, cream, vanilla and cinnamon. Pour over bread slices, cover and refrigerate overnight. The next morning, preheat oven to 350. In small saucepan, combine butter, brown sugar and corn syrup, heat until bubbling. Pour over bread mixture. Bake in oven, uncovered for 45-55 minutes.

Brie en Croute
1 sheet Puff Pastry ( I use Pepperidge Farm)
1 egg
1 T water
1/3 cup dried cherries, softened*
¼ cup chopped toasted pecans
¼ cup honey
1 (13.2 oz) Brie cheese round
Thaw pastry sheet at room temp 40 min or until easy to handle. Heat oven to 400. Beat egg and water in small bowl. Unfold pastry sheet on lightly floured surface. Roll sheet into a 14 in square. Stir cherries, pecans, and honey in bowl. Spread cherry mixture onto center of square. Top with cheese. Brush edges of pastry with egg mixture. Fold two opposite sides over cheese. Trim remaining two sides of square to 2 in from edge of cheese. Fold sides up onto cheese and press edges to seal. Place seam side down onto baking sheet. Brush with egg mixture. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until pastry is deep golden brown. Let stand for 45 minutes.
*Soften cherries in ½ cup hot water. Let stand for 1 minute. Drain and pat dry.

This year I am also going to make the Pioneer Woman's amazing Cinnamon Rolls. Yummy!! And they taste even better than they look if you can imagine that. I took her advice and I now give these to each of our neighbors for Christmas. I'm a very popular person on our street come Christmas time. It's all about the bribery, my friends, all about the bribery.

My sister also brings her fabulous Biscuits and Gravy but I don't have her recipe. They are scrumptous though and even my most picky child will clean their plate!

So there you go. Our Thanksgiving and Christmas menus. This is why my jeans never fit come January 1st. I think I gained 10 pounds just typing these all out.

Seriously. THE best google search ever!

I happened to glance at my recent keyword searches on my statcounter this afternoon. These are the search terms that have led people to my blog. There was one that made me laugh out loud.

You know what, I have been looking for hours to find Hatchet and you have given me horrible answers that don't even make sense, so if you enjoy making me cry keep it up but i think you are mean and....

"and" (and any subsequent words) was ignored because we limit queries to 32 words.

That is classic. And my blog was numero uno for that search.

I feel special.

Perhaps you should blow yourself

Did you see THIS article?

Man Dressed as Breathalyzer Caught Drunk Driving




A man dressed as a breathalyzer for Halloween was arrested after Oxford, Ohio police suspected him of driving drunk. James P. Miller, 20, was stopped by police who spotted him driving down the wrong side of the street without his headlights on a story by the Dayton Daily News reported. Miller told the officer he had nothing to drink that night, while he was reportedly stuffing his mouth with gum, the story said. Police reportedly also found an open beer in the middle console, a partial case of beer on the passenger side front seat and more beer in the trunk of the car. Miller was taken to the police station where his breathalyzer test showed his blood alcohol level was nearly twice the legal limit.

Really?

I do believe that is the very definition of Irony.

Somebody should have told him to blow himself.

*snicker*

Step A: Open Mouth, Step B: Insert Foot

I've never been one to hold back on my thoughts. Obviously. Unfortunately, that means that sometimes a stray thought that should probably not be voiced gets through my alarmingly faulty internal sensor. Those who know me well just laugh when this happens. Those who don't know me well get their panties in a bunch. Such is life.

Yesterday I got an unexpected phone call from a member of my extended birth family. They wanted to share the good news that my cousin is pregnant. My thirteen year old cousin. Notice I said they wanted to share The Good News. Ummmmmm, yeah. Not in my world.

I was speechless for less than a moment before blurting out a loud "What the HELL?" This family member immediately took exception to my outrage and responded with a prissy "You can't stop love."

The Hell.

It was at this time that the unfortunate comment took place. Without even thinking about it, I shot back with "No but you can sure as hell stop sperm."

*crickets*

It would have been nice to know that I was on speaker phone with the entire family before this conversation took place. Sigh....The ill fated family chat ended quickly after that but I did get the gist of the situation. She's almost 7 months along, just figured it out, has had no prenatal care, doesn't know who the daddy is and oh, she's keeping it because she wants to dress it up like a little baby doll. For pity's sake, buy the girl a Baby Alive doll and call it a day.

Crap on a cracker.

These people spawned me. I sprung forth from those genetics.

I am so glad that I was adopted.

Obligatory We Survived Halloween post

I survived Halloween for another year. I barely survived last Halloween and the Universe thought it would amusing to throw an extra challenge at me this year. That challenge came in the form of my Mother-out-law. For Real. Why? Just why?

As if it's not hard enough to corral little kids into their costumes with the lofty bribes promises of massive amounts of sugary goodness if they will just FORTHELOVEOFGOD stand still for one minute to have a picture taken so I'll have something to blackmail them with later on when they turn into nasty teenagers......deep breath....

It was that kind of a day.

So the outlaws showed up en masse, 4 hours late as usual. I'm not completely sure why this happens but every single time they go anywhere, they are at least 2 hours late. It's totally ridiculous and horribly rude. I was raised to be on time, if not early. It's just basic manners in the South. But my mother-out-law is apparently physically unable to show up anywhere on time. For functions that require her to be on time, we tell her to show up 2 hours earlier than necessary and she still is usually the last one to arrive. Rude. She was late to our wedding. Nuff said.

So they showed up bearing food, which would be considered nice if not for two very important points. First, she brings food because she tells everyone that I can't or don't or won't cook, which is a total lie. Second, she puts eggs in everything, on purpose because she knows that I'm allergic. I thwarted her nefarious plans again by having a huge platter of homemade stuffed shells bubbling in the oven and some homemade cake balls cooling on the counter. My sister-in-law and my soon to be sister-in-law were quick to point out how yummy the stuffed shells were, they have my eternal gratitude. My brothers-in-law almost licked the platter clean while there were 3 containers full of my mother-out-laws food. Thwarted, I tell you. Thwarted.

After navigating the minefield of dinner, and consuming a record number of alcoholic beverages, I spent the rest of the afternoon simply trying to survive the chaos. By the way, did you know that mixing Sierra Mist Cranberry splash soda with a generous amount of Vodka results in a very tasty drink? Well, it does. Your welcome.

My sister was brave enough to spend the day with us, mostly to make sure she didn't have to pony up any cash for my bail money or help me dig a grave in the backyard. She's broke and she is not a fan of manual labor. She's the one who brought the Vodka. The big bottle.

It was finally time to trick or treat. And so began the hour long struggle to get children into their costumes, to get adults into their costumes, to get the children to listen and obey, to get the adults to listen and obey.....it was a very long hour. Finally everyone was dressed and ready to pose for the five thousand pictures that my mother-out-law felt were necessary. Here's a sample of the cuteness, please note the very sparkly, princess like tennis shoes that The Girl chose to wear with her costume:




I wish I had video taped the chaos that ensued when we tried to get everyone out the door to go trick or treating. It was unparalleled, I assure you. And of course, that bitch Mother Nature decided to dump a load of rain on us not even two minutes after we left the house. The rain sent my sister and I into uncontrollable alcohol induced fits of laughter because my Mother-out-law was dressed, ironically, as a witch. I couldn't stop myself from pointing at her while wheezing out "She's melting, she's melting" as my mother-out-law ran shrieking for an umbrella.

That was the highlight.

We all survived. Barely. Today I have to go grocery shopping to replenish the massive amounts of food that these people consumed and then I get to try and steam clean the beer stains out of the carpet. Don't ask, just don't ask.

The last thing my Mother-out-law said as she left was that we'd have to make this an annual tradition. An annual tradition. Annual. That means every single year.

There is not enough Vodka in the whole universe.

Show Us How You Live Friday: Halloween costumes

It's Friday. Time for Kelly's Weekly Tour! Head on over to Kelly's Korner to add your own or to check out tons of other posts. It's time to break out the Halloween costume photos. Designed to make every preteen boy cringe in horror and humiliation. Swee-eeet!

2003: Boy1 was Scooby Doo and Boy2 was a giraffe. Scooby's head was so big that poor Boy1 kept falling over and Boy2 fell asleep in his stroller and missed the whole trick or treating event.



2004: Boy1 was a cowboy with a horse and Boy2 was a bumblebee. This was just a couple of weeks before The Girl was born and I felt as shell shocked as poor Boy2 looks!



2005: Boy1 was Batman. Boy2 was Robin and The Girl was a butterfly Fairy. Big Daddy really wanted The Girl to be Wonder Woman but he lost the coin toss. And yes I did cheat. I didn't wait 4 years for a girl just to dress her up as a superhero when she could be decked out in pink tulle and rainbow wings!



2006: Boy1 was a Power Ranger. Boy2 was an octopus and The girl was Raggedy Ann.



2007: Boy1 was Darth Vader. Boy2 was a chicken and The Girl was a witch.



2008: Boy1 was Anakin Skywalker. Boy2 was a bat. The Girl was a cat and The Baby was a skunk. A very mad skunk.


This year, Boy2 is up at my mom's house. He did not want to come trick or treating with us, he wanted to attend a little party at one his friends homes near my mom's house. So there won't be a picture of all 4 of them together on Halloween. I'm a little sad about that but life goes on.

Boy1 is going to be a vampire. The Girl is going to be a princess and The Toddler (formally The Baby) is going to be a monkey. Here is my little monkey in a pre-Halloween try on costume session. I've even taught him how to make the classic OOH-OOH-AAH-AAH monkey noises. So damn cute.

Hair Trauma

It sure feels like Fall in our house. You know how? Hair trauma. I've talked before about the changing of the seasons and how beauty goes wrong during the changing of said seasons. I know this. I've lived it. And yet I continue to perpetuate the horror. What is wrong with me? I swear I'm not usually a slow learner.

But alas, yesterday I found myself with scissors in hand chopping off random pieces of freshly and tragically colored hair. While drinking a glass of wine. A large glass of wine. Very large glass. Full to the top. Don't judge me.

I never used to do this. Before children, I went to my hair stylist religiously. Every 6 weeks I had a trim, every 3 months I got a color and highlight. Like clockwork. I loved my stylist. I found her when I was a mere babe of 19 and fell in love with her spunk and her style. I was totally monogamous to her.

I am not a Hair Whore.

Even when we moved several hours away, I would make the trip to keep seeing my beloved hair stylist. Until she went on maternity leave. And never came back. I shed tears, I will not lie. The relationship between a hair stylist and client is special. When a woman finds a hair stylist soulmate, it's like hitting oil in the backyard. Thou shall not mess with that relationship. It should be a commandment. So she left to raise her kid, who I call Spawn because that kid has led to the ruin of my hair, and I was left to find a new hair stylist. I'm far too old to be auditioning hair stylists. I no longer have the patience or understanding when they inevitably screw up my hair. I can not suck it up and smile, telling them it's okay. Comforting them for their mistake when I'm the one who has to leave the salon looking like Dorothy Hamill. Nope. Nowadays I'm more likely to run them over with my car. And then back up and run them over again just for pure sport.

Moving on.

I've tried, people. I've really tried to move on. To find a new stylist. I just cannot do it. The first one totally disregarded my instructions and hacked off more than 6 inches of hair. She claimed it was all dead. The hell. As if I would walk around with 6 inches of dead hair hanging off my head like a mullet. Bitch.

The second one had the misfortune of dealing with me during a particularly bad postpartum week. And let me just say that no woman should be allowed to make life altering decisions, such as those concerning her hair, while she is in the middle of postpartum hell. It is a recipe for disaster. Or homicide. I can't recall all the particulars of that day in the salon but I do know that it ended with her crying, covered in breastmilk and me in hysterics, also covered in breastmilk and missing a chunk of hair on one side. I know that I was covered in breastmilk because my hooties were leaking like rusty plumbing. I'm just not sure why she was covered in breastmilk. It may have had something to do with the empty bottle I was carrying in one hand. Perhaps.

The third and final attempt came late last year, right before our annual professional family portraits. It was not good timing, I know that. I accept partial responsibility for the added pressure that may have been placed upon the stylist but I am in no way responsible for the end result. In what language does the phrase "please just trim an inch off the bottom and add a few layers to the back" become translated into "cut it all off, shave me bald. Make me into Sinead O'Connor"? It all started with a slip of the scissors and ended in tragedy.

So you'll have to excuse me if I am a little stylist shy at this point. I haven't been back to one since that unfortunate experience. That, my friends, is the backstory on what led me to be standing in my bathroom holding that very large glass of wine yesterday. Cursing at the injustice of it all. While staring at my unevenly chopped, newly colored hair. I was going for a bob cut. What I got was somewhat reminiscent of my Seventh grade yearbook photo. It was scary back then. It's horrifying now. Thankfully, my sister is a whiz with the scissors and came over to help me. Her scream of terror was not comforting and she has banned me from ever using a pair of scissors again. Ever. She evened me out except for that one missing patch that we won't talk about and then added some low lights to fix the coloring disaster. The box said Iced Mocha Brown.

The box was wrong.

It looked like crayola threw up on my head. Not a good look. Especially when paired with the self hatchet job hair cut.

I so wish I could tell you that I woke up this morning and it was all a nightmare. Unfortunately, I woke up today and scared the shit out of myself when I walked past the mirror.

It was not a good morning.